Wise Old Sayings That Are Stupid
81
The Misanthrope
I am a misanthrope. I have a general distrust of humankind. At least right now, today, lately. I feel old, crotchety, irritable, bitter, and, well...misanthropic. This is not my normal state. People expect of me the happy guy, quick with a smile and a wink and a funny joke. But not today. Not yesterday. Not for a while. I can explain. I only have to tell you one thing and you will instantly understand. If you live in the developed world, you will nod your head sympathetically and commiserate with my misanthropic miserableness. It is, quite simply, this: I have been without hot water for 3 weeks.
Think about that. No hot showers. No convenient washing of dishes. This makes Chris angry. This makes Chris cynical. This makes Chris refer to himself in the 3rd person. The first repair company tried to charge me $3000.00. Not only am I without hot water, apparently I am perceived as a super-moronic rube that just fell off the turnip truck (albeit a rube with three grand in his pocket). So I got my regular repair company in. They need a part. A little elbow-pipe with a rubber thing on the end. It'll be fixed tomorrow. And tomorrow, and tomorrow, and here it is, three weeks going on four.
And so this is my therapy. There are no wise sayings for me right now. No proverbs packed with truth. No feel-good adages that make you want carpe the damn diem. In fact, if you really analyze them, they can be pretty stupid. Here are some of my half-baked, imbecilic, simpleminded favorites.
The Early Bird Gets the Worm
I've always wondered about this wise saying. Does the early bird really catch the worm? What if the worm oversleeps? It's true that birds get up awfully early. I can hear them right outside my bedroom window, sometimes as early as 4:00AM, and one of these days they're gonna catch something else - like a beak full of buckshot. So I investigated the matter. Ok, some birds eat worms and some do not, but they eat lots of other stuff too. Who knows if they even like worms that much? Maybe eating worms make them want to puke their little birdy guts out. And what about Owls? They're hangin' out at clubs and partying all night, swooping down on rodents, and sleeping off a hangover the next morning. And Owls are WISE, right?
And here's the other thing: Early in the morning isn't even the best time to catch worms. 10:00 at night is about the best time, and the best way to get 'em is to pour a bucket of soapy water on the ground which causes the worms to come up to breathe. Or if you're really a hardcore worm catcher, you pound a couple of re-bars into the ground and hook them to your car battery. Rev your engine and then grab the little two-headed, hermaphroditic freaks and toss them into a bucket with some damp paper towels - or eat them. I don't know about you, but I haven't seen any birds hooking up jumper cables to my car lately (there was that one time, but that's a long story). Nope, this one's stupid. This one's better: The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
You Can't Have Your Cake and Eat It Too
This is so idiotic that I hardly know where to begin the beguine. Firstly, what the hell's the point of having a cake if you can't eat it? Secondly, how can you eat a cake that you don't even have? You can pretend, but that's called pantomime, my friend, and you can only imagine it tastes sweet and delicious. What is this? Some kind of Confucius thing? Like What is the sound of one hand clapping or Man who go to sleep with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger?
Ok, ok, I get it. The dude is saying you want to keep the cake around to look at how pretty it is and you want to eat it, but you can't do both. I say eat the damn cake before it gets stale. Your little kid isn't going to appreciate having an imaginary birthday cake like in some opium-induced Alice in Wonderland scene. Naw. What they really meant was you need two cakes, one to look at and one to eat, so they should have said: Two cakes in the hand is worth one in the tush. Now that's killing two early birds with one stone.
A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned
Everyone thinks that Benjamin Franklin said this appalling apothegm, but it's actually an old Scottish saying. Maybe this is where the common misconception about Scots being cheap comes from. This is very unfair to Scots. Scots are nice people, unless you cross them, and some of the guys have the balls to wear kilts. No, what Ben Franklin said was, "Tis a well spent penny that saves a groat." Like anybody even knows what the hell a groat is anyway.
So you find a penny on the street. You pick it up. That doesn't mean you earned a penny. It means you're a cheap Scottish bastard. Let's say you do this for years and years, until you have this big thing filled with pennies totaling a whopping $37.62. Now, just try to cash them in. Banks won't even take them. Or you have to sit there at your kitchen table carefully stuffing them into little paper rolls and it only takes you 6 hours. You just hired yourself for $6.27 an hour. Congratulations T. Boone, you're a wealthy man. Nope. Afraid not. This one really gets my groat! The verdict? Stupid is as stupid does.
Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost Than Never to Have Loved At All
Awww. How sweet. How romantic. How friggin' STUPID! Might as well say, "Tis better to be dumped than never to have been dumped before," or "Tis better to be hit by a train blah, blah, blah." I know what Tennyson was up to when he came up with this one. He was trying to get laid, that's what. He'd be at a party sipping on a hot buttered cider punch and spout this tripe to the chicks. It was a pick-up line. And the chicks were all, "Oh, forsooth, Mr. Tennyson," and "Really, but you flatter, Mr. Tennyson," and "Kindly assist me to the fainting couch, Tenny."
The fact is, when you lose love it hurts like hell. You mope around. You feel sorry for yourself. You start drinking too much, then you start smoking crack, then meth, and you grind your teeth down to the nubs, and after a whole lot of misery, you're dead. Kaput. Finito. I, for one, would rather to have never loved at all than be six feet under feeding the worms that eventually feed the early birds. Go ahead. I'll visit your grave once a month, not to leave flowers, but to pour a bucket of soapy water on you and catch some bait.
Actually, it turns out it was Tennyson who said this. Well, well, well. Screw him too!
Better Three Hours Too Soon than a Minute Too Late
Old Bill Shakespeare penned this one. I guess he was a stickler for promptness. But there's an old Roman Proverb that goes, "Better Late Than Never." Ok. So which is it? Maybe Bill and some Romans should lock themselves in a room and not come out till they've reached a consensus, something like "Being One Minute Late Ain't Too Bad."
They had messengers back then. Why not send somebody ahead and tell the expectant party that you were held up in foot traffic, or there was a chariot wreck and the palanquins were backed up for miles? Better yet, postpone the meeting; claim their dog Barkus was sick and they had to go to the Sacrarium and offer a sacrifice to Goddess Diana - Mother of Creatures. Then blow the whole day off, go to the coliseum and watch them throw Christians to the lions. This old saw just doesn't hold water anymore. It should be changed: Never Do Today What Can Be Postponed Until Tomorrow.
The Cold Goes On
Ok. I feel better now. Soon, my hot water heater will be fixed and this will all seem like a bad dream, and hot water will once again pulse against my body, refreshing me, invigorating me, keeping me off the head-shrinker's couch and renewing my Irish wink in the bathroom mirror, a proverbial "top of the mornin'" to myself. Perhaps I'll feel the need to write another one of these some day, like in a month when it's really starting to get cold outside and my furnace explodes, but for now, I am calm. And so I leave you with one final proverb. One final idiom that eclipses all others, beautiful in its truth, simplicity, and its inarguable logic:
Live Everyday As Though It Were Your Last...And Someday You'll Be Right.
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I don't know whether to laugh or cry, so maybe both. You are so funny, yet I detect a bit of temper mixed in this one!! Life does that to us, yes? Sayings come from experiences and rarely any of them are conjured up without a price; I loved your analogies and counter sayings!
You made me laugh/cry today. I thank you/not. I loved it/didn't. I'm all mixed up. Here's a saying that I conjured up one day in the throws of my bitterness about something: "Happiness is getting rid of what you thought you wanted when someone else had it."
=)) thumbs up, Chris!! good luck with the hot water, but may you always stay out of it.
(I couldn't bring myself to vote on your pic, the baby one is quite startling...sorry, I liked your tipping the hat one...sigh, but what do I know? I'm always in the minority.)
You wrote: "They had messengers back then. Why not send somebody ahead and tell the expectant party that you were held up in foot traffic, or there was a chariot wreck and the palanquins were backed up for miles?"
Ummm... because somebody in that expectant party might shoot the messenger? Just a thought.
Funny stuff, as usual, Christoph. Hope that water heater gets fixed soon!
And I thought it was Wall Street that was OFF!
Hey you guys get up to mischief when I turn my back!
Uninvited: It hasn't ended well yet.
Mariesue: That's just me playing a character. I'm not all that put out with humanity. My wife says my patience is remarkable under the circumstances. On the avatar thing, you were not in the minority, at least until they mounted a "vote for baby" campaign. You should have voted. Oh, well. I can get rid of it this Tuesday at 6:00 PM Central time (not that I'm keeping track.)
There's no real anger here. Hope you didn't cry on account of me, unless it was me making you laugh so hard. Playing villians is the most fun for actors. (But really, that Cake one has always bothered me!)
Thanks for writing and your kind comments (or not - I'm getting confused too). One thing is sure: You're a peach!
Em: I know they say that, and it will make a good one for my next crotchety old man hub, but did you ever stop to think that they didn't have guns back then. They probably stabbed them.
Thanks for writing and the comment.
Ag: You knew I was off. What did you expect us to do? Go into seclusion until your return? Glad you're back.
Ooh, good point. I never was all that strong in history. :)
Christoph, That was incredibly funy. But I have come to expect nothing less from you. I am sorry about your water heater and hope it gets fixed soon, but on the bright side you got a funny hub out of it.
Em: I have one question: Are you an aunt, and if so, do your nieces and nephews call you Auntie Em?
Gwendy: Yea. Someday I'll write about the time I went for 4 weeks without a toilet. That was worse. Much, much worse.
Glad your found it funny. I try.
oh, christoph, hope you had some pampers then. I always find your stuff funny, your brilliant.
I didn't have pampers. I had papers, as in news, and a nearby quick shop.
Nope, not an aunt. My parents and the occasional misguided coworker are the only people to call me Em. I'm really not even sure why I used it for Hubpages.
I do believe, however, that there's no place like home. (Except, of course, when the water heater has crapped out, in which case, there's no place like the Hampton Inn.)
No I really knew you were in character...and I was just pointing out how you would bring in a saying that was opposite...very good strategy! -- I really liked the history you gave while cutting the saying to pieces. very coool. I like your sarcasm - well done!! =)) And thanks, peaches are good, right? =))
Can't you use your stove to heat water?
Nothing like chattering teeth and freezing tooties to make one wax philosophical. Where the heck is that Joe the Plumber when you really need him!
In your case, Christoph, the saying "a watched pot never boils" seems to apply to your hot water heater. In fact, you seem to have tough luck with pots in general, given your dismal 4-week stint without a toilet (a watched pot never flushes...).
Honestly, I don't think you could have written a funnier hub if you'd stayed at a Holidy Inn Express last night (which I was going to suggest -- they do at least have showers there:-). MM
"Why not send somebody ahead and tell the expectant party that you were held up in foot traffic, or there was a chariot wreck and the palanquins were backed up for miles? Better yet, postpone the meeting; claim their dog Barkus was sick and they had to go to the Sacrarium and offer a sacrifice to Goddess Diana - Mother of Creatures. Then blow the whole day off, go to the coliseum and watch them throw Christians to the lions."
Ok, first of all, I laughed so hard at this I started choking and now I'm all red-faced with those little prickly-pin-prick thingies in my face and neck and even sweating a bit. God damn dude. I mean, I was ok just laughing my freaking ass off with the chariot wreck and backed up palanquins, but when "Barkus" needed help, I just freaking lost it... I'm laughing again just trying to write that crap. Jezus that was awesome. Wow. breathe.
Ok, I'm good.
So, anyway,
lol @ Barkus /chortle and laughing again
God. You seriously need help or something.
Anyway, what I was trying to say, is that my Dad used to try to use that stupid ass "early bird gets the worm" crap on me when I was in Jr. High and after telling him repeatedly that I was neither a bird nor interested in worms, I finally came up with a counter that, "the early bird gets eaten by the early cat," to which he told me to STFU and get dressed, it was time to go to work. But hey... I'm with you on that one.
Ok, I should stop now, because this will get too long, but, dude, totally hilarious and, in total honesty, I have not laughed as hard at anything in the last month (or more) as I did at that stupid ass Barkus crap. LOL. God that was funny.
Em: Hampton Inn! Ha! You sound like my wife. Are you sure your not her?
Mariesue: Well, thanks again. And peaches are very good!
Misha: Gee, thanks! I hadn't thought of that! I could put a big giant kettle of water on the stove top, then carry the hot water into the bathroom, set it next to the shower, stand in there, pour the hot water over my head, get all soaped up, shampoo my hair, pour more hot water over my head, carry the pot to my sink, put some hot water in the sink, shave, rinse the hair down the sink with some of the now warm water, and pour the remainder in the shower to clean that out a little bit! Damn! Why didn't I think of that! And it'll be so easy! Glad you came by!
Mighty Mom: I almost included the "Watched pot" saying, but there's so many sayings, I might have to write more of these occasionally. No motel for me. I'd rather stay here and bitch and moan and engage in martyr-like behaviour. Thank you for having a read and taking the time to comment. Glad you thought it was funny! Thanks!
Three weeks huh? That's an awful lot of sponge baths...
:)
I cracked up at Barkus too...shades of Mel Brooks or something like that.
So question...you are an actor...your wife is an actress...which of the two of you gets to be the drama queen?
Shades: You have me laughing. That's a good response to the "bird - worm" thing. Wish I had thought of it. Glad you think it's funny. It was one of those where I got the idea, collected a bunch of old sayings, and thought "this isn't going to work." But I started anyway, and it kind of wrote itself. I wish they were all like that. Thanks for the compliment.
Oh, Spryte, after reading this, you don't already know? This little traumatized boo-boo boy is all wah-wah because he can't get his bath on. Please. As if there's any doubt.
My wife isn't really an actress anymore (come to think of it, I don't act very much any more either). Anyway, she's the drama queen, I'm the sulking, angst-ridden artiste.
Shade - true...tsk. Just look at his ungracious response to poor Misha. Poor guy just trying to help and Chris bites his head off because he can't figure out how to poor a pot of water into a tub, add a little cool water and a rubber ducky. Geesh.
I hope Mr. Crankypants gets some hot water soon...
:) /flee
OH..Gawd! Here we go again. Why does this always start after Spryte shows up?
*wide innocent eyes*
Dunno...probably cuz I'm following Shade? I wouldn't dream of having an original thought of my own...so it must mean he's the instigator.
I think Shades has a crush on you and he wants to impress you.
I think you need to check out the hubnuggets forum page that Ryan just put up :)
...And you think so? I thought it was YOU he had the crush on. I mean Barkus is pretty damn funny and all that...but don't you find his enthusiasm just a wee bit out of proportion?
You'd be surprised, but this is exactly how they did it before hot and cold running water :D
It's not that hard, really, and does not take too much time. A couple of gallons are enough to "take a shower". You just need a big pot or two, and a small pot with long handle.
They cut off hot water every summer for three-four weeks in Russia, so everybody back there are fairly proficient in this...
Spryte: Why should I check that out? Is one of my hubs on it? I doubt it.
Misha: Thanks. The point was, of course I know this. That is actually what I do every day. I'm surprised that you really thought that I would not have thought this. I didn't know you were being serious. I thought you were being funny. Well, if I hadn't thought of it, it would have been a good thing you told me, otherwise Spryte would be going around making "sniff sniff" jokes about me. Thanks.
LOL Chris, I am never completely serious ;)
I did suspect that you know this - but just in case :)
Hmmm..."sniff, sniff" jokes...probably a lot more fun than those knock,knock ones. :)
I'm gonna be real nice now...good as gold...at least until you get your hot water back.
Dang, my son was holding the computer hostage ( something about wanting to be fed and cared for) and I missed all the fun.
You didn't miss anything. Glad you're back though?
Christoph, is that your hub or Shades on the hubnuggets? I am glad I am back too. I probably can't stay on for long as, I took my sleep medication and it is kicking in faster than usual, I haven't been sleeping very good the last few days. I have kids in the morning also, so sleep is necessary when dealing with preschoolers.
I don't know about hubnuggets. I better go look. Sorry about your sleep not being good. I know what that's like.
I'm not on hubnuggets and none of them look like Shades' to me either.
Dammit, I was going to make snide or depraved comments to someone, Reilly, Spryte or Gwendy, and now I am forced to go look for hubnuggets first.
Spryte is still around. Gwendy took a pill.
Well, she'll either sleep well or won't get pregnant. So, I guess that's great. Um, yeah, so I checked the hubnugget thing, nothing of mine either. I don't think I write the kind of hubs that make it onto that very often.
Although,I have to say, the hubmob thing for this week I do have an idea that I could write that will be boring as hell, but might be an opportunity to learn some SEO evil-ninja stuff.
I need to con like Mark knowles, Maddie or Hal Licino into adopting me for a hub and helping me set it up.
Oh, and you need to hurry up and finish with that baby thing... I swear, I'm actually starting to regret my victory. LOL
That sounds like a plan. I'll give it some thought. Not really what I'm used to either, but I don't feel like doing a satirical one: been kicking that horse too much lately.
I'd be happy to smother the baby early, if everyone agrees.
You can't force Thalia to serve you anyway. I wish I could force Maddie, Mark or Hal though. Just once. Make them come to my house, drink my beer and food, sure, but, have to advise me on the stupid ass SEO crap that I just can't wrap my head around reading techno-hubs by people who already think like that. Someone like me needs to write one, but, nobody LIKE me knows how to do that, so they can't write a hub to people like me. /sigh
I guess I just have to wait till they have an SEO "capsule" so I can just like, say, "duh, F- something, beer, blah blah" and BAM, I'm all over the internet.
One of them will probably help you, or else they'll just say, "read my hub blah, blah, blah".
Hi Chris,
Just for once you're looking forward to getting into hot water! LOL I've always wondered about some of those sayings too, like the really contradictory ones:
'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'
'Out of sight, out of mind!'
Some of those old sages should have stuck to being herbs! I hope your boiler gets fixed real soon.
Mark would give you links (so would Misha), Hal would never know you asked because that dude is a machine, and Maddie would probably help but her answers would be short and to the point and therefore totally beyond me. /sigh
I need one of them to become suddenly homeless and need to stay at my house for a week.
Oh my god...that's this week's topic huh? Hmmmm...
Well, I guess Christmas IS coming up and everyone is scurrying all over the internet hunting down those ideas for presents...
Yeah, Spryte, they are forcing us into compliance with the capitalistic machine. I either have to write something for the purpose of selling (therefore whoring out my gifts) or I have to come up with another Excrement.inc.
I do have a friend who has a company I have helped before though. I just don't want to waste time writing it if I can't get a zillion views per day.
Yeah throw the baby out with your dirty bath water, go on I dare ya!
SEO do you really think anybody knows about all that stuff?
What's SEO?
Dude, Hal Licino gets hubs to the top of the hot hub list in like 17 seconds after publishing them and has 0 comments. So, yeah, people know how to work that stuff.
Shades, SEO and hot hubs list are two completely different animals :D
Not in my world, Misha. Don't impose your facts and knowledge on my ignorance and bitterness.
Well...I suppose I could promote my Mr. Bunny...but it might survive the edit cut.
Still....there has to be some way to make it interesting without loss of artistic integrity. C'mon...it'll be like that time I did aerobics with a pina colada in one hand and a cigarette in the other at club med...
I may have to sleep on this...
The inevitable outcome of further and agressive product research, I'm sure. I respect your dedication.
*evil thought*
We could market ourselves? Or each other...
Amanda: Thanks for stopping by and for the comment. Both of those are on my list, possibly for future hubs. I may do one every once in a while. Thanks again.
Shades: I'll tell you, I know something about it because I write that stuff on another site, and they have editors and shit and they are very strict about that stuff, and they lay out specific guidelines for doing it right. Not saying I'm a guru or anything - I mean I'm pretty new to it too - but I understand the fundamental. I have read their explanations about it and they are confusing. The people, I mean. Even I don't know WTF they're talking about, except I do cause I already know it. It's not near as complicated as they make it sound. I'll be happy to share what I know, which you will be able to understand because I do and we think alike, and I can tell it without being all obtuse and "keywords on the first part stringthened in the subtitles and reinforced with title maximization for SEO acuity..." God. It's enough to give a person a headache. It doesn't have to be like that. I just don't write articles like that here on hubpages. I write them on that other site and it's boring, boring, boring. Anyway, say the word and I'll write you an email about it.
Spryte: I'm thinking along those same lines. A very good idea.
Spryte: Ok, I wrote that BEFORE you started talking about Mr. Bunny. I'm referring to Xmas approaching and writing sometning relative to that.
Shoot me an email then, and I'll tell you about my friend's company (I already did one for him). If you get really bored, check out my Arc Flash hub. I got that thing picked up by a trade magazine, so, I can speak the language well enough to write something else (even if it ain't me at all)... but I want to get searched 100 times a day.
Maybe it would help if people suggested products for each other to write about (?). For example, Mssr. Misanthrope here could write about on-demand water heaters. Gwendymom could write about sleeping pills. Spryte, how about exotic vacation destinations, perhaps ones that are pet friendly (you could even write yours in the voice of Mr. Bunny...).
Well, I said it million times probably, and I can repeat it one more time - you don't have to change your writing style or do some boring pages. But YOU HAVE TO DO KEYWORD RESEARCH first, and use its results in your writing. I mean whatever keyphrases you come up with, you have to actually use them at least once in the text and title - and that's it for on-page SEO. :)
Misha, do me a favor then... go to www.dolphins-software.com and find me a keyword that I can use to write an article that will get searched a ton and drive traffic to his site (assuming my writing is decent etc.).
I'll even trade you a proof read or edit on something big that matters to you if you want. :)
Well, that's simply a matter of getting listed at the top of the search engines and writing about something that lots of people are looking for. E.G., This hub, if you google "Stupid wise old sayings" or any combination of those 4 words, my hub comes up 1 and 2. And there is compitition too, if you can believe it. But, how many people are looking for that, and I'm not selling anything. If I wrote instead about "Thingamajigs" and titled it "Everything you need to know about Thingamajigs,", and I get the top spot on google, AND hundreds of people want to know about thingamajigs, and I'm selling thingamajigs, then I'm going to do pretty well. If I can get "Stupid sayings" at the top, then I can get "thingamajigs" pretty well-placed on Google too.
I'll take a look tomorrow, I am off to bed now...
Night everybody :)
No, I get that, Christoph. I have hubs on the "top" too. I even joke post about being top with my "plant racism" hub on last weeks thing. I have the google tools and stuff for key word searches.. but when you look them up they talk about how people buy them and placements and stuff.
I tried really hard to read that crap but my eyes kept rolling up into my head and, frankly, I heard the spirits of Henry James, Edith Wharton and Oscar Wilde calling to me, saying, "No, stop reading, you will destroy yourself." So I did.
And, Misha, I'm serious. I will trade you seriously hardcore editing for some SEO skills in trade.
Mighty Mom: Thanks for the suggestion. I'm done writing about water heaters for now though.
Ok. Well maybe Misha can help. Don't worry. All will become clear. You'll see.
We'll both learn something. I don't really know much about keyword research, so I need to figure out how to do that too.
It hurts your anus, but apparently it pays well. I'm going to chill until he checks out my buddy's site. Hopefully, I can learn something...
It's like that awesome line I always go to from the beginning of the movie Riddick (one of the greatest and most culturally/philosophically deep movies of our time, despite how many people miss it) that basically pointed out how some evils are so complex that "good" can't defeat them, and that some evils "require a different kind of evil" to bring them down. Evil that becomes good.
(Spryte has my back on this one, btw.)
Yea. I'll start thinking tomorrow. I'm done thinking tonight.
Say "goodnight Gracie!"
Goodnight, Gracie.
Awwww poor Chris! I sure hope you have hot water soon, like yesterday! Geeze!
'No feel-good adages that make you want carpe the damn diem'. LOL this line cracked me up, too funny! Even though you are currently miserable, this was an excellent hub, filled with cynicism and humor. Sleeping worms, partying owls and Barkus, this was great and gave me my first laughs for the day. I'm just sorry it was at your expense.
I can relate to your predictament. Two winters ago when we had below 0 degrees, I was without heat for three days. I chose to weather it out because of my cats. Ok, it wasn't weeks, but it sure felt like it.
I had another wonderful experience the summer before last. I decided to buy a new stove. I'll condense this here, but basically, they didn't show up, and I had to reschedule. Then they finally come, and I was excited because they made me their first stop at 8 am. As they are unloading the truck, I notice they brought the wrong stove. I ordered black, they brought white. So, another screw-up. The day finally comes and they come in to remove the old stove. Without going into a lot of details, when the kid pulled the stove from the wall it wasn't far enough out, he gives it one more tug, and poof! flames shoot out of the top of the stove. Talk about panic! There's more to this story, but I'll stop here and just say it was eventually resolved.
Another quality hub Chris, thanks for sharing!
Trish: Thanks so much for having a read. Glad you found it funny. I'm not all that bad off. Just playing a part to set up the rest of the article, mostly. I AM a little annoyed, but who wouldn't be? You point out some of my favorite parts which makes me feel like I did something right.
Sounds like you've had some appliance experiences. There could be a bunch of hubs there: When Good Appliances Go Bad!
Glad I started your day off with a laugh. Your ending mine with a good feeling. I'm going to catch a few winks, so we're those ships passing in the night. Thanks!
Another wonderful, funny hub, Chris!!! Reminds me of the time I was visiting my sister over New Year's and her furnace went out. Middle of winter in northern IL, and we had no heat!!! Boy, was that a lot of fun!! LOL! I think I will go take a nice warm shower now. he he he
Roflmao over and over! :D Thanks for the laughs Chris. I do hope that hot water thing gets fixed soon. :(
Hubnuggets? I am a bit hungry. Are there any left? *snort*
Chris you think you've got it bad, we have planned electrical outages here. so no amount of repairing will fix your hot water problem. Then there was the burst water main problem. 4 days without water and once it came back on it turns out that the heater element in the geyser has burnt out still no hot water!. Thank god I can go to the Gym to shower.
Great hub. The hilarious the traffic problem in ancient Rome was just too much but you should see modern Rome. It has to be seen to believed. A one hour sightseeing orientaion trip took 3 hours and we almost did not get back to the criuse ship on time!
Well guys, I did not pregnant, How do I know for sure? My husband is on his yearly hunting trip, and I have been fixed. I didn't change my behavior like my husband thought it would though. I'm still moody, and run around town (shopping). I guess it doesn't work in humans as it does for dogs. He'll have to try again, maybe a shock collar or something, I guess he's not too worried about it, as he left me home alone and unsupervised.
Anna: Howdy! Thanks for the comment. Always nice to know you've read something of mine. That sounds cold in Northern Illinois. Now, go enjoy your hot shower, you.......
Pam: Thanks for being here, and glad you were Roflyao and that I helped. Now we just need to find you a new ass.
No Hubnuggets in these parts, I'm afraid. You're on the wrong side of town for those. Thanks!
Sixty: Thanks for coming by. Let's see...you are in South Africa? The planned power outages don't surprise me, living out in the jungle like that with the Chewy Chewy Tribe, head hunting and shrinking heads and stuff. Ha! I've seen the Roman streets on travel shows and it looks hidious.
Gwendy: Your husband left you unsupervised? You're not locked up or anything? Wow! The shock collar sounds like a good idea. I think I'll get one for my cat!
I am not locked up, He must have lost his mind with elk fever. I would like to be a fly on your wall when you attempt to put that shock collar on your cat, or even better the first time you use it. Hmmm, christoph spaghetti.
Gwendy: Actually, the cat and I are getting along much better now. He's changed to a degree. He's no longer trying to kill me (just put me in the hospital for a few days!)
Funny stuff, as usual, Christoph. Hope that water heater is fixed by now! I'm not sure but your small intsy winsy tiny little temper tantrum might have blown of your hat, your avatar looks a bit different... I can't put my finger on it... unless you were trying out my anti wrinkle facial cream formula on your whole body... Might I suggest maybe a little more around the eyes
Super great hub regards Zsuzsy
Zsuzsy: Yes! It was your anti-wrinkle cream. My lawyers will call your lawyers and we will be seeking 1/2 of all your adsense wealth! (That would be the most I ever made from adsense!) Thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks!
What a crack up! You are too funny.
My reply to that "early bird gets the worm" thing was always, "Who the hell wants a worm?"
Our electricity goes out at least 6 times a year (thanks, crumbling Michigan infrastructure), so you have my total sympathy about the lack of hot water thing. I hope by the time you read this it is back.
I am SOOOOOO on the same page with Shadesbreath about SEO and keywords and so forth. I try to pay attention to that stuff and within seconds my eyes start to glaze over and I lose big chunks of time like people who are abducted by aliens. Then when I come to, I can't remember what keywords I'm supposed to use or why. I know I am missing the boat because I can't even find the harbor, what harbor, where? I think I'm at the train station...
On the up side, I am currently 11 cents away from my first Google payout. Yes!
It only took ten months.
Christoph, Can I get your help on something? I feel pretty stupid asking but i really need the help, and I don't think you would laugh too much at me, at least not in public.
Hi Pam! Thanks for coming by. How much is the Google minumum for payout? 100? Hey, that's great. It looks like I'm years away.
I've been working on the SEO thing. Last night and today I've been doing keyword research and changing my keywords according to the popular keywords. It's not hard, but I'm only seeing a small difference so far in the ones I've changed. But then, look at the crap I write about. Not the most popular topics (but they interest me so screw 'em!) Anyway, I'll see how it works out. I think it works better if you look up the keywords first and then write the article to include those keywords. I'm going to try to do one "by the book" for this weeks hubtopic and see if it works. Give this a try: Google "google keyword research" and go there. You come to a page where you can either enter the URL for the article you want keywords for, or you can enter the important keywords from your title manually (I like this second way best). It's actually interesting. It will then show all variations on the keywords you entered, how many people search those keywords every month, and how much competition you have from other sites using those keywords. Harder to explain than it is to do it. Just go there and it will explain itself. I would put the link up to get to google keyword research, but I'll lose all this typing if I leave the page.
Thanks for the comment. I really have to start selling some writing work. I'll be doing some of the things you suggested in your hub.
Gwendy: Of course. I'll be happy to help if I can (of course I'm now waiting for the joke that makes me look stupid...but I'll play.) Shoot.
No really, No joke. Ok I am wondering how to put links in my paragraphs, I have tried and it doesn't seem to work for me. see, I told you it was embarassing.
That's not embarassing. You mean have a word that's highlighted and when the reader clicks on it, it takes them to another page or website?
yes. That's exactly what I mean.
Open the edit text box, highlight a word, and you'll see the little chain link icon on the edit text window light up. Click it and it opens a new box that you paste in your URL, and it attaches the link to the word for you.
Shades, Thanks! And you didn't even laugh at me in public!
The first thing to do is get the url to the page/site you are going to link TO handy, so what I do is open a second screen on my computer and go to that page. Now, in the screen where you have hubpages open, Go to your article that you want to do this this to, and Click on Edit, so the whole thing is in Edit mode. Now go to the paragraph were the word or phrase is that you want to turn into a link, and open that capsule into the Edit mode. Now, On the page that you are going to link TO, click on the URL and copy it (we're just doing a copy/ paste thing here). Now go back to the hubpages screen and HIGHLIGHT the word or phrase you want to turn into a link. Then, at the top of the text edit capsule, select the link function (it's in the action bar with scissors, bold, italics, etc., 4th from the right - the chain next to the broken chain). Now a window will come up. Paste the URL that you copied (or you could write it in if that's easier for you) into the panel for the URL, and then click on done or finished or whatever it says - I forget. Easier to do than explain.
Hope that helps. Let me know!
Christoph, you are my hero!!!
Or just do what he said.
I am glad you took the time to walk me throught the whole process, that's what I need. Someone to take my hand and say this is what you need to do. I guess that goes back to that follower thing. Again many many thanks.
Puh-lease! Your not a follower. There's nothing wrong with asking someone to explain something to you. I do it all the time and I don't feel embarassed by it. That's why I know so much! Ha! But seriously, I've learned a lot from asking people to explain things to me. Speaking of wise sayings, there is one that is true: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people that don't ask questions.
One more thing if you don't mind? I was wondering about posting links into products that we have found and how many are considered appropriate and how many would be too much? Maybe this is a question for the forums but I don't know If I have the time to wait.
I think they say only 2 links to one place in a hub.
And Christoph, dude, that Banksy hub is really good.
Thanks Shades! You guys Rock! what banksy hub? what did I miss?
never mind, I found it. I will have to read it later.
Yea. I think two is right. That's what I remember, anyway. Thanks for the Banksy comment. It's a perfect example of the dichotomy of this stuff. I worked my ass off on that, and it's getting like, zilch for traffic, and then this thing is doing really well. Oh, well. I knew it would be so but I wanted to write it anyway.
Hi Chris,
I agree things like this are annoying to say the least. I just wanted you to know I sent up a little prayer to the hot water fairy, and she told me you will have hot water before this weekend :)
Hmmm, hubs on appliances. That's a thought. I had another highly recommended plumber once to come in and replace my 2-zone furnace. To make another long story short, I had no heat downstairs whatsoever, but upstairs? Let's just say all you needed was a kiddie pool, a little beach sand and you could have gone swimming it was so hot! Grrrr!
Ships passing in the night? You're giving me more food for thought. I have several tales I could tell about my outings with my hubby on our little boat now that I think of it. Like a lot of these other folks, I'll have to sleep on that :)
Just watch Christoph, you'll start getting Google traffic on that Banksy one. I have four or five hubs I wrote as "serious" if you will, and they got a few comments at first, seemed to die after the first week, but have steady search traffic now. The stuff that got lots of traffic (like this one maybe, and your avatar one... they seem to die totally after awhile. Nobody will search "Christoph's avatar" or "Excrement, Inc." but they'll search Banksy for years. Write a thousand Banksy hubs and you're golden parachute opens right up. So, I think the effort pays off long term when you can make yourself do it.
Hey, Shades, I sent you email about your site. Let me know if you received it :)
Nice hub on old sayings. I also wondered "It's the early bird which catches the worm" But if I am on the side of the worm I wouldn't like to be early. Infact as worm I would be stupid following this saying "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man(worm) healthy, wealthy, and wise" ...hehe
Good point, countrywomen. I wonder if worms have sayings? "What you don't know won't hurt you." That's another one not true of worms (or humans either, for that matter.)
Thanks for coming by. Always nice to see you!
Not yet, Misha, I just looked.
This reminds me of that Confucious email forward that was going around with all the really lame "quotes". I do feel for you on the water heater, though. Do you live right in town, or in the country? Up here in lovely MN, when it gets to -60, our pipes freeze up so bad, we can't take showers or use the toilet for days on end. Try going without a shower for two weeks.
It. Is. Not. Pretty.
Or try having your heater break, then having your dad forget to stock the woodstove in the evening. I've woken up with frost on my eyelashes before. And that is why I am now the one who stocks the stove at night. :-P
But alas, I have gone off topic! lol Hmm. I never did like the early bird one. Mostly because I'm generally a logical thinker, and I came to the same conclusion you did about worms coming up at night. And it would seriously piss off the mater. xD This was nice. I needed a smile real bad. Thank you, Chris. :)
Christoph I loved your hub, made me laugh. And I know people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but I ain't as ugly as your avatar. And I had to say it cause, well it's darn ugly and every time I get onto your hubs I struggle to stay glued in case you respond. And that ugly thing staring at me...... gods it's tough.
I think you're a darling, but I even think the Divine head honcho is wondering where he went wrong! And I suppose you're going to torment me now and enlarge it or something.
And I'm with Shades. Get a bucket, half fill it with hot water from the stove, put in your lovely soap then put the cold in. Voila. You're all ready for some bucket washing using a wash cloth. You know that's the most sensuous way to have a tub, using a bucket, outside, standing on a large rock with the sun shining on your naked body. Ooops, that's another time and place.
Kika: Thanks. Glad you had a smile. Yea. I've had all those problems too. Didn't have any heat in NY for a week. It was cold, but not Minnesota cold, that's for sure. Never had frost in my eyelashes (or icesickle's' hanging from my nostrils either.) Good to see you!
Christoph,
Well I agree for certain things what we don't know doesn't hurt us(Ignorance is a bliss). But then for most of the people living in civilized societies the general understanding is Ignorance of law not excusable( Ignorantia juris non excusat). I don't know if worms have a saying then what do I know I am not a bookworm....hehe
You too!
I've never had icicles hanging from my nostrils. That's just naaaaasty. But I have had tears freeze in mid-air. Craziest thing ever. o_O Made me stop crying real fast so I could check out the little frozen salt crystals. My curiosity > any depression. :-P
I'm still VERY happy!!
jewels: Glad to see you! Who says your ugly? I'll kick their ass! No, the avatar will be gone tomorrow at 6 PM, so don't be scared any more. Yea, I do the bucket thing everyday, except I use a big old pot and stand in the shower dumping big tumblers of hot water on my head. Now the outside thing is interesting, coming from you. I don't believe you however, and must see this for myself. Kindly inform me when and where I might observe this curious behaviour first hand. Your cooperation is greatly appreciated. I look forward to hearing from you with the desired information. Sincerely, Perve....uh....Chris.
countrywomen: With all the dumb sayings, I have enough information to write these hubs for a long time. I dig your Latin, babe!
Thanks for the laughs, Chris!
My dad used to say "Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry, and I'll give you something to cry about, damn it." Of course, I no longer fear his retribution since he's dead as a door nail, but he'd have been confused about whether to laugh with me, or slap the crap out of me, while I read your Hub!
Spryte: I can see that, hun... Why are you so happy?
Kika: Tears freezing from your eyes! Thats wild!
Now Spryte, did you bring a vicodin for everybody? Hmmmm?
Tom: That's funny! Your Dad sounds like he was a riot. Glad you got a laugh out of this. Thanks for taking the time to leave a message.
*smiles at Christoph* How about a nice slice of lemon meringue pie instead?
Kika: Vicodin. Thanks to my husbands roto-rootering of my sliver, which extracted nothing, my foot was in excruciating pain. It isn't anymore.
LOL Chris, fun hub!But now I'm not able to take a hot shower without thinking about this for a while..
Well that's a comment begging for a reply from Christoph about how he might actually need a cold shower now...
Spryte: Lemon Meringue Pie sounds good.
Lazur: Thanks for stopping by and the interesting comment. Glad you found it fun!
Spryte: I think I'll take the high road for now.
Very noble Chris :)
So why do you stay up so late anyway?
Well spryte,without the little pipe with a rubber thing on the end it won't be hard.... :D *still wondering what that rubber thing is*
Spryte: My schedule is screwed up in a major way, plus I only sleep about 4 hrs anyway, so. It is usually about now I go to bed and read a little. Your turn.
Lazur: I tried to be a Gentleman, but you just won't let it go. Now...about that shower, the pipe, and the rubber thing....
it's 12:01...I'll probably be going to bed soon, but I have a nice cup of coffee in front of me and I'm winding down with a few rounds of spider solitaire. I have nice hours at my office...in at 9 ish, so I can indulge my inner night owl.
As for the shower, pipe and rubber thing...it sounds like a really bad prison flick.
Prison flick? You mean like, "Girls from the Netherlands behind bars?"
No...more like "Babies Behind Bars: The Bubba & Christoph Story"
Prison bars? I just know how to handle a pipe:D *with or without the rubber thing*
Spryte: Ouch!
Lazur: Mmmm! I'm sure you do. I've often thought that of you.
LOL!!!
I'm not saying a word.
I'm hitting the hay. Night Spryte!
Goodnight, I won't say more either:P I'm going to hit the road:D
Nite you two! Sweet dreams... :)
hmm, ok, don't answer me :(
I suppose and appropriate sayonara would be:
"You don't know what you don't know"
Nite? It was just morning for me.:D*LOL* I truly hit the road in my car. If it wan't for these crazy trafic jams I would be back at my own place a lot sooner than it took me now.I rather handle a pipe.:P But I guess you're all asleep now;)
"Thanks for being here, and glad you were Roflyao and that I helped. Now we just need to find you a new ass."
Thanks, but don't bother, my ass found me. I've tried lmao in very remote places then running like hell and covering my tracks, but it always finds me. lol ;)
Can't wait until 6:00 p.m. today. Would that be central time? Seriously, I actually avert my gaze from your avatar, quite the opposite of what I used to do with the original. I know what Jewels means...whenever I open a hub of yours these days, I put my hand over the screen up in the right-hand corner before I click. Can't wait to get that dashing gentleman back.
Oh, yeah, great Hub, of course! :)
funny stuff
you obviously "don't suffer fools gladly" !! (that one bothers me! i mean who does???)
Trish: I did answer you but I guess I didn't hit post. Sorry about that. What I said was that your appliance fairy forgot to talk to my repair people, because I just found out that the wrong part came and they had to order again and it will be another week (of course, that was yesterday). You know I would answer. Don't I always? Thanks for pointing it out so I could rectify the situation. Your pal, CR
Sixty: Yea, that one IS pretty stupid. Duh. Thanks for the comment
Lazur: Thanks for sticking around last nite. You were fun and it's a special treat to see you at my hub. Hope you have a great day, with a pipe or something.
Pam: You have a Donkey? Cool! Reminds me of that children's poem:
Pammy had a little ass, it's skin was brown as dirt; And everywhere that Pammy went, her ass would get there first!
Now that's just funny.
Sally: Yea, I can't wait to change it, and even the people who campaigned for the Ugly Baby are sick of it and wan't it to change it too (and yea, that's central time). Thanks for reading this. Hope it brought a smile to your face.
cflynn: That's a good one! I would suggest that anyone who DOES suffer fools gladly, it is because they themselves are a fool! That one is going in my book. Thanks for coming by and getting into the spirit of it!
28 minutes and counting.
Sally: I was a little late. Should change any second. Yay!
Thank god. I can sleep well tonight. Now what are you going to do about Rielly?
That's a good question, Sally. I think Shadesbreath will probably take it off eventually. Thanks for checking in and your support during this horrible ordeal. Without you, I might have given up hope and my desire to live. XXXOOO
Sorry, I didn't have time to read all of these comments. Did you ever get your hot water back? Cuz I gotta say, you really sound like a glass half empty kinda guy, here.
By the way, I've always wondered why you humans needed hot water heaters. If it's already hot, go take a damn shower and quit bitchin'.
Christoph is back! Yeaaaaaaaa!
I know you always answer, and I figured you just skimmed over my comment since you are really being swamped with comments :)
In fact, you should check your fan mail.
I'll have to take up my chat with the fairy tonight, sounds like I'll have to go over her head! So sorry for yet another delay, you poor thing :(
BT: Nah. Not for another week I'm not really that pissed off. Just a character to set up the article (without the irascible guy, I don't think it would be as funny - but what the hell do I know about funny). Good point about the water already being hot. I think I'll write a hub about how that pisses me off.
Trish: It feels good to be myself again! Please DO take that up with your fairy. I would like some action and I hold her completely responsible.
Why? Is their mail I don't know about? I'll go check. Thanks!
Thanks for the kisses and hugs. YOU are the drama queen, and we love you for it.
great hub Christoph - really enjoyed it! especially seizing the damned day!
Re old sayings I had a great aunt who used to say - well and truly pre-pill of course "no doee no gettee!"
Earlier you commented that you couldn't go find a url because you didn't want to lose all your writing - well maybe this will help you in the future - what I do is just cut the words out, go find what I want and then come back and paste my earlier words back into a new comment - seems to work ok. cheers.
Sally: Thanks. I don't know about the drama queen though, but thanks anyway.
ajcor: Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. Your aunt sounds like a gas. My computer won't give me the option of cutting here (when I right click). So I've tried that and it doesn't work for me. Just tried it again, but still no luck. Thanks though.
Guess what Christoph, I need your help again. actually I need your opinion. Would you mind helping me?
No. Go ahead.
Crap, I thought you were gone, so I just now asked Spryte. OK, well I've started this hub and want an opinion before I publish it. I can only think of one way to do this. If I gave you my password real fast on here and deleted the message before anyone could see it. I guess. I don't know of another way to do this.
Ok. Do it. I'm ready.
did you get it?
LOL! *falls over laughing my ass off*
If he didn't I did.
got it. Go.
it's fun new products
Spryte, you can have a peek too, The more critique the better. I trust you guys. I am just not sure if I might insult someone or didn't do enough writing.
I'll wait a bit...I think if too many of us log on as you it will cause a problem.
holy hell...how did that happen?
:) I didn't think it had worked cuz my puter locked up. And then I was you...and wow...that was wierd.
I'll log off for a min.
I don't know which I'm supposed to be looking at. Fun new products?
If you ever get stuck leaving your work to find a URL the best thing is to miniaturise your existing window, open a new window and search or go to the URL, as normal. Right click on the URL, copy, then go back to your main window and paste. Works for me :)
Hey, Gwendy, why can't I look at your new work and have your password (sulks and pouts) ?
lol, yes, it is fun new products in my non published hubs.
Hey, who is me right now, and Misty you can see as soon as they are done.
Hey, who is me right now, and Misty you can see as soon as they are done.
ooops, sorry bout that.
Gwendymom: That's hysterical! It's really funny. I had several huge belly laughs, and I think everyone will enjoy being part of it! Of course, now half of us will have seen it already, but it is definitly a winner!
Thanks Christoph, do you think I did enough writing? I feel like I didn't have much to say.
just me, are you also gwendymom by any chance ???
glad to be me again, I guess Spryte is still me, This body swapping thing is crazy, but fun.
Yep, it's me misty. As soon as spryte gets done you can have a look if you want but it might spoil the surprise.
Can't wait, but will if you insist. Sounds great from the feedback so far :)
It's up to you misty, I don't mind either way. I hope it's ok.
Well, I think you could write more, if you have something funny to say and you wanted to, but I wouldn't worry about it. (Now I don't know how that affects rankings and stuff). It would be nice if the picture always lined up with the writing about that product, which you can do by having each person in there having their own capsule, but then you NEED more writing cause their won't be enough for the photo capsule to hold on to (I know - I've tried it.)
In terms of funny though, i think it's fine. And it IS really funny!
Okay, I shall wait patiently like a good girl. Need to go to bed soon anyway as it is now 03.25am here in Guernsey and Hubby is snoring like a goodun in our bedroom downstairs. Can't wait for the Hub though, so please publish it soon :) :) :) Need some cheering up after Sunday!
Thanks Christoph. I really wanted to write more but I am just not inspired lately. I don't know whats wrong with me.
Misty, I will try and get it out tomorrow. Good night and sweet dreams.
I thought of something else. You might make a "white" picture - nothing but blank white - and put it in between the two picture, thereby pushing the second product picture down and more in line with it's writing. I can send you a blank picture if you want to try this.
;)) Now that is great!! I loved it and I'm not gonna say anything until you publish it cuz I don't want to ruin the surprise...but how did you know Mr. Bunny was purple? Hmmmm?
Where is Spryte? Did she get lost in my mind, I know there is a lot of room in there but dang. Go towards the light Spryte!
I have had an experience with mr. bunny too Spryte, he gets around.
LOL it did take me a while to find it in the list. Dang girl...you have a lot of unpublished stuff...don't worry, I didn't peek at anything else.
BUNNY...not rabbit.
I know I get random thoughts that I just don't find the proper ending to.
Christoph, sure you can email it to me. They did seem to align a little bit when I hit preview except for one that was giving me hell.
hahaha I changed it.
Yea. I was like, "Woah". I didn't peek neither, but I will later after you're asleep. (he, he)
guys, my son is breathing down my neck to have the puter so I will have to go and work on it later. Thanks guys for your help and critique, I really do appreciate it.
guys, my son is breathing down my neck to have the puter so I will have to go and work on it later. Thanks guys for your help and critique, I really do appreciate it.
Oh, well Christoph, that won't be the first time someone has peeked while I was asleep.
Maybe you guys will still be on when I get back, Thanks again!!!!!!
I emailed you the blank white picture. See ya!
I just finished writing my piece...now I have to go and find some pretty pictures. Be back later once it's up.
Wow, what a relief to see a familiar face instead of that ugly baby!
Ok. I'm off to write tool
Misha: It's good to be back. Hey, thanks for answering my question in the forum yesterday. You were a big help....NOT.
Damn handsome man. I slept well last night knowing that thing would be sent back to the swamp.
Christoph, I did not see your email and I just checked it. I did see one from sender fake breasts and I wondered but figured you probably didn't give yourself that name.
LOL I had to dig through hubtivity to figure out what question did I answer so unsatisfactory - but I found it - Chicks per Mister! :D
Truthfully now Christoph Reilly …”I would take the Holiday Inn ..instead of a few pots of boiling water” Oh …I know ..you guys like to ruff it!
Good Hub ...Funny!
Jewels: What a nice thing to say. It sure beats, "Get that ugly thing out of here," which I also hear quite often.
Mightymom: Damn. I forgot to attach it. I'll do it again.
Misha: From now on it stands for Creepy Misha Input.
gjcody: Hi. Nice to meet you. Thanks for leaving a comment. Yea, but I'd rather spend two nights at the Ritz than a month at a Holiday Inn (that probably costs about the same).
Glad I brought a smile to your face.!
Christoph I have made some changes but am adding a new one for ananta. So if you want to check it out again you can but give me a moment to add that one. I did the pictures a little different.
Did you just call me mightymom?
I started reading this hub about an hour and a half ago. It's taken me so long to read through the comments, that I forget what the hub was about. Something to do with SEO and keywords, I think. :)
This is a hilarious work that you've written, Chris! I guffawed aloud several times. I don't normally guffaw, so it's proof that this hub is special.
I wanna know what moron thought that, 'what doesn't kill ya will make you stronger' would make a comforting phrase.
Gwendy: Ok, I realized you can't send attachments through the hubpages contact. So I would need a regular email address (which you can email to me to keep it private) or I can replace a picture on the Avatar hub for a minute or two, and you can copy it from there. Or you can say, "screw it."
Shirley: Thank you so much for the kind words! Very nice to call it special, kind of like what the school board called me when I was a kid. But really, you guffawed? What? No snort?
You're right, that "makes you stronger" one is ultra stupid. I literally copied pages of these wise sayings and could only pick 5 cause of length, but I may write more of them from time to time. Thank you again. You are a sweetheart!
CR, I rearranged things so I think it looks better but I still don't feel like it is close to finished. I just can't come up with anything to write about.
Yay! I'm done!! And also watched Boston Legal (love that show) and ate some mac & cheese. Oh...and I'm back.
Gwendymom: Then don't worry about it. it isn't necessary. It's good.
Spryte: I didn't know Boston Legal was on. I like that show too. Did you publish? (I had spaghetti with homemade sauce with spicy sausage. Mmmm.)
I had mushroom jack fajitas, Yummy! I didn't want to feel left out.
and thanks Christoph, I really value your opinion.
oh btw I have to box up you and shades for shirley.
I love Mac & Cheese and Fajita's too. We sure are eating tasty things tonight.
What to you mean, gwendymom, box us up for Shirley?
Chris - Boston Legal was actually on last night...but we TiVo it so we can enjoy it at leisure.
I love spaghetti...but I'll pass on the sausage. Mmm fajitas. Now you are talking.
Yep...all published if you want to look, m'darlin' cowboy.
Mac & Cheese fajitas? That sounds awful. And as for that boxing thing, Christoph: Gwendy, Spryte and Shirley have taken to discussing Sven and Tvelve as if they were mere objects of desire rather than thinking, feeling humans with dreams and aspirations, treating them as if they were not people who have goals that go beyond being worshipped for their rippling abs, incredible stamina and physical prowess.
Reckin I'll mosey on over and have a read while I water my horse, then.
CR, you'll have to look at shades hub 5 tips for shopping with your man to find out. Eat well because you are going to need your energy.
I like the way you kinda slipped in that worshipped idea...
The only ones that would be yelling "Oh my god" would be Sven and Tvelve.
Shades: Oh. I should have figured. I better go catch up. Oh, and Spryte had Mac and Cheese, and Gwendy had fajitas.
gwendy: I will...I will.
lmao, shades, don't make me get out the whip.
Christoph: Hmm, well, Americans will eat anything. Maybe I just invented the next "deep fried twinkie" with that little mix up. I'm writing a letter to the marketing departments of Chili's and Chevy's right now.
Gwendy: Yeah, I won't make you get out the whip and afterwards, you don't throw me an that briar patch, ok?
Psst...that was Christoph.
/duck
And...uh that's Shadesbreath right there above me now. He snuck in.
I heard they were doing something new at the AZ Fair this year...deep fried m&m's on a stick.
No, it was shades. He is being a very bad boy, and should be punished for saying we are demeaning him. I think I better let you dole out the punishments Spryte. Being that you have some experience in that department.
Nah...I'm really bad at punishments. I'm a sucker for that big eyed, oh I think you broke my nose look and I can never carry through...
She can have at Christoph first. Be intersting to see if Spryte plays naughty or gets all Mel Gibson's, _Passion of the Christ_ on his ass. She's edgy, that one.
Damn Spryte, don't damage the merchandise too much, they still have to work, just break their spirited a little and try not to break any bones.
LOL! What a great image!! Nahh...I couldn't hurt Chris...unless he wanted me to.
Gwendy - So I can make them whimper and beg and all that...just as long as there's no PHYSICAL damage?
yep, you have free reign. Is that right?
Ok Guys, I am about to pass out, Have a great night! Sweet dreams to you both.
Bring it on, you two!
Hey Christoph, I just about died laughing at Barkus. It gave me another Bugs Bunny flashback. I remember a goofy looking dog, in a Centurian outfit.
On a more serious note, I once broke my shoulder into a dozen little pieces. The physical therapist took great joy in stretching it into positions it had been unable to achieve even before it was broken. While doing this, he would say "Relax. Pain is just weakness, leaving your body." How's that for a stupid saying?
I really wanted to punch him in the neck, and ask him if he felt any stronger. I settled for pointing out that pain is a tool that your body uses to let you know that you're probably doing something stupid, and it would be wise to stop. From that day forward, I started each appointment with my own wise old saying. "I hope it won't be necessary for us to hurt each other." He was pretty careful, after that.
Hi guys I really cant keep up. I sleep, you guys chat, and swap passwords, Pass Hubs, and pictures to each other. Sulks, I feel left out!
BTW why not suggest the following new hub features
A closed group to view semi published hubs.
A means to swap pictures perhaps in the vein of the closed user group.
Just a thought then your "puter" won't seize (Spryte) and others.
Perhaps a hub on body swapping and sharing experiences and even a little more about Gwendy and Spryte sharing purple Mr Bunny.
BTW (2) This hubmob has got me stymied perhaps a hub on the cruise experience. Thats retailing (sort of)?
Hey, sixty! I'm out of the loop, lately, too. Maybe we should team up on a "Nobody Loves Me" hub.
rmr: You gave me a great laugh to start the day!! Yea, I remember that centurian, but wasn't there one that was like an alien? About your shoulder, that is hands down to dumbest saying I have ever heard.
"I really wanted to punch him in the neck and ask him if he felt any stronger" is hysterical. The only thing that could have been better is if you had done it!
Your daily warning, however, is destined to become a classic! Thanks for stopping by and the very entertaining comment.
Sixty: I think those ideas for the users group are excellent. The only thing - as this subject has been discussed some lately - someone pointed out that whatever hub this behaviour is taking place on gets a little bump in page views and comments, which would not happen with the group area. Not that that was an idea killer, just an observation.
I think Cruises can be considered a product. Why not? They compete against each other for your purchasing money, they offer features and benefits that come with your purchase, heck, even a hub on why it can be considered a product would work.
B.T. Just because you weren't here to feel the love, doesn't mean you aren't. If you haven't seen gwendymom's hub on gifts yet, you should go have a look. Talk about feeling the love. Hey, thanks for writing.
Haha this is hilarious!
PS sixtyorso I also thought of clubs that could view semi hubs. I thought restrict it to your fans and warn them.
Hi Hot: Thanks for reading and glad you found it funny. Thanks for the comment.
Hi Reilly, you write really well. I'm bend over in laughter reading your hubs! As for the Scottish being cheap, not all Scots are cheap-but quite a few. I don't think it has anything to do with greed but being overly practical.
Writer Rider: Thanks so much for visiting my hub and leaving a comment. Glad you found it funny. Thanks for clearing up the Scots thing. I was wondering. Appreciate it!
Gwendy - I'm glad to see that you're protecting the merchandise!
Easy ladies! There's enough Christoph for everybody!
Hah! That's what you think...you should ask about what happened to the LAST cowboy on the hubpages...
I like the idea of a hub chat space...if it could be incorporated into the hubpages, AND I also like the idea that talking to all of you on various spots gives a little boost to the ratings. But I tell ya...some nights I sit here scratching my head trying to run the round of hubs to keep up :)
I think Sirdent tried to start a chat room but I don't think it went over very well. It's is the forums.
Yeah...he tried that for a while (and for a long while) but not everyone could get to it. Then for a bit some of us tried mIRC...but that didn't last long. I KNOW you can put a chat feature into a website...so why not one here? You just click a button and voila!
That would be nice Spryte, but then I guess it would cut down on comments and then they would figure less internet traffic. I don't know, I'm just throwing that out there.
Yeah...I can see your point. But that doesn't mean I like it...LOL!
me either, maybe they think with IM and myspace people get in touch like that. Who knows.
Alright. I'll rope that steer. What DID happen to the last cowboy on Hubpages?
There's another thing about the chat room. Anybody could do it, right? Although that is the case now (I mean with us carrying on multiple conversations on multiple topics on multiple hubs) it somehow SEEMS more private. And if it were live chat (I assume that's what we're talking about here) there would be lots of gawkers perhaps, or people I didn't care to chat with.
possibly. If the chat was on HP wouldn't it the same as it is now, only not having to do it in comment boxes.
Not necessarily. With mIRC, you can create a room and only those with the particular password can gain entry. And lest anyone thing you are an elitest...you can be in several rooms at once. It's a rather good program.
The only problem with having a separate program running was that a few of us were spending time just sitting there waiting for others to show up...so it wasn't a lot of fun.
And as for the last cowboy...there wasn't enough of him either.
Yeah. But I'm saying, now it is maybe 5 or 6 of us, but then there might be 20 or more, and you might not know half of them. Are we going to have the same conversations we have now (some of which are pretty racy). Plus, the hub owner is the ipso facto moderator. Anyway, I'm just sayin'.
Oh, well. If you can set up different rooms, thats different. I thought you meant one room for everybody.
Hell no...& call me a snob, but I'd rather have our own little basement bar somewhere with just those that aren't offended and have a cool sense of humor...or at the very least just gaze at us adoringly. There's a lot to be said for that last one.
They aren't so racy we have been kicked off HP, although I wonder everyday if that will happen.
I keep hoping they'll say..."Will you guys just get a room...oh, wait...here we made one for you." :)
Before SirDent started his chatroom, there were several attempts to convince HP to create one on the site. They did not recieve much following, so it is probably a losing proposition...
Spryte: Well THANK YOU for sayint it. That's what I want, but didn't want to come of as being selfish (but I am! I want you all to myself and I don't want to share!)
Gwendy: What Spryte is talking about, if it required a password, I don't think we would have any problem there. We could say whatever we wanted.
Maybe we better heat things up a bit. or maybe not, I don't know how much more heated it could get.
I can't keep up. I have jumped to 6 pages in the last minute I think. Where am I?
I think Misha has a point. Especially if we say, "We want a chat room but only for us!"
Misha - If you've noticed, Shade is really good at rallying the masses...perhaps things could be different this time?
*winks at Christoph* I don't mind sharing...
Seriously though...we could sell it as a tool for generating ideas on the spot. Maybe call it "The Writer's Block"
Nahhh we promote it for everyone...but the program should have the ability to ccreate smaller rooms for smaller groups too.
There could be a help room...and a room all about SEOC...or whatever that acronym is...
I personally like chatting on hubs more :)
Go Shades!!!!
I don't mind sharing either. rrrr.
*makes a note to tie up Misha and leave him in the back room during the campaign to get a chat venue*
Spryte, you know he will just like that don't you?
You know Gwendy....I did think about that briefly and wonder why I was doing it...but then I figured, if he's happy then that's just a bonus :) LOL!
LoL you have to get here first. And make me lose a card game to you :P
i could kick your ass at cards Misha! No problem.
Now it's starting to sound like the forums - only live.
Brilliant hub! Thanks so much for sharing.
jdeschene: Thanks for the kind words. Nice to have you here!
Gwen, you mean you girls are coming together?! Oh that really makes things interesting. Only tieing, or you know other tricks, too? ;)
What game did you have in mind Misha *smile*
I see the logic potentially in HP not wanting a chatroom for the reason of reduced traffic / reading on hubs, but then, HP is more about search traffic anyway. They'd probably feel obligated to have someone monitor the rooms though. (I'd do it... for a fee. LOL).
And we haven't said anything racy enough to get asked to leave yet. I haven't even approached my normal raunch on here, so to me these hub chats are PG-13 at best. I think we've been entirely circumspect in our bawdiness.
I do the cards and Spryte can tie you up, I think that we both have experience in those fields.
Actually I think we've been very well behaved as well...probably because we're damned good at innuendo and know a lot of big words. :P
And uh...gwendy...what exactly do you mean by you'll "do the cards"? Just so I can be clear... lol!
LOL, spryte, talk for yourself cause I am not a big word kinda girl. But I'm learning. I want to know if we can get this started, It would be a lot of fun.
I mean I will kick his ass at a game of cards, and you got the rest. He said yo would have to beat him at a game of cards, I don't think old maid is going to cover it.
Hey Misha, ever hear of a poker game called pimp guts?
Misha thinks you can get it started, the sooner the better.
Spryte, I think it does not matter what game, it matters with whom :)
Gwen, and that's all you promise? Umm, well, sometimes one has to make sacrifices - just for you :)
Misha - Oooh, what a charmer you are! LOL! I feel compelled to warn you though that just because you are a man, it doesn't mean I'll make it easy for you. If you are going to win...you'll have to work for it.
Oh Misha, you just don't know who you are dealing with mister.
Winning only confirms what we already know about the game. Losing teaches us something.
So what are you saying, you wanna be my twinkie?
Oh my, I must have taken these pills too early, I can't understand a thing. Maybe Shades has had too much beer?
lol Nope. Two martinis and I'm good for tonight. I have a lot of writing to do tomorrow. Don't want to be rummy or sleep too late.
Christoph, I totally sympathize with your plight. I've been there. The longest for about a week. It's not only inconvenient, it truly is frustrating. My boiler was brand new and made in Italy and no one in the States knew how to fix it. I came very close to postal.
The hub was great, but I suggest that you get that heater fixed at any cost. If you keep writing like this, you'll be on your way to stand up comedy-and from that my friend, there is no return. Good luck!
Oh, and here's my "old saying" contribution. It was originally said by Robert Reed on the Brady Bunch, trying to get a point across to Jan.
"Where ever you go, there you are!"
K girls, it's 1 am here, I'd better hit the sack if I want to be able to deal with you tomorrow. When do you come?
A martini sounds good. Did you have olives in it?
Only after foreplay Misha, so get your rest you'll need it.
2 of them, Christoph :)
Nite, Misha (even tho I'm not a girl) (I mean, I wish I was a girl, how fun would that be?)(Except I wouldn't be in to guys.... I mean, that wasn't my point about it being fun, because that would make me gay, which I'm not, even though I was/am a girl.)(In this hypothetical conversation I mean.)
Rocking Joe: Thanks for the compliment. Yeah. Mine is only 5 years old (which is not old in water heater years). I appreciate it. Glad you stopped by, too. Thanks!
Night everybody. :)
And personaly to you Shades ;)
ok, too many martinis, that's my verdict.
Night Misha.
Probably not enough is what's throwing you off, Gwendy. lol.
LOL Gwendy - I caught your remark you baaaad girl.
Umm...okay Christoph I'll bite. I know dogs have 7 years to a human year...and I think cats have the same thing. So how many human years is a water heater year?
Who me? I am never a bad girl. Well without reason. Ok, thats a lie. I'm always a bad girl, I can't help myself.
I can see that fake innocent look in your picture...
Gwendy: Do you really think 2 martini's is too many? You must be a lightweight.
Spryte: I didn't say in human years. Just in water heater years. Like, they should live as long as a dog (except bloodhounds, which only live for around 7 years. Isn't that sad?)
I am a true lightweight, I don't handle alcohol well. It's fun while it last for me anyway, But I can get a little out of control sometimes. so I try to keep it a minimum.
Me too Gwen. But luckily it really depends on WHAT I drink too. Vodka makes me a happy drunk...Peppermint schnapps makes me beat up short men...and Tequila makes me do things like kiss women that I barely know...
Tequila is awesome like that.
I am not a schnapps person but tequila, don't even get me started. I love that stuff and just don't know when to stop. I was buying groseries one day and this girl walked up to me and said hey Gwen, I haven't seen you since that New Years eve party, you are frickin awesome. I don't know who she was but she knew me. Tequila is wicked stuff. Oh, and I won't keep my clothes on either.
Bartender...a Cuervo for everybody! (make that girl's a double.)
I remember once in college...the girls across the hall had a tequila and 7-up party. Then one whipped out a letter she had received from some guy where he had uh...outlined his stiffy...and when we were good and drunk, we went to the pay phone and called him. We were brutal.
lol, I am really a bad girl.
Spryte: That's just mean. Of course, the guy was a moron for doing it.
Yeah and that wasn't the half of it?
Once again I see the hread has moved. I agree that it is great to bandy ideas about in comments but I was thinking more of pictures and uncompleted hubs, where we would elicit comment prior o publishing..Besides comments generate hub traffic.
When are we gonna have that Tequila party?
lol happened to me as well, during those awesome days. funny though...
Fun hub, Christoph.
Sixty, make that spiced rum and I'm in!!!
Agvulpes: That was a good one! (I mean the joke, not the thing that was drawn.)
Sixty: I'm all for a tequila party. Vote tequila party!
john: Thanks for having a read and the comment.
Constant: Ok. Spiced rum for you.
Christoph, I think I was banned from drinking tequila.
Yeah! That's why we want you to drink some! Yee-haw! No, but seriously, you can have whatever your little ol' heart desires.
hmmm, I detect alterior motives here Christoph.
I'll bring Herradura and Corzo. Let's fire it up!
I suspect there is a wild woman lurking beneath that Head Shot photo she presents to the public. I hear she is legendary around the Madris Gras circuit. Just a rumor? Hmm...
who me? (batting her lashes and trying to look innocent)
Sounds like we've got a party brewing.
I'll bring the sketch pad and the pencil...in case any of you feel like outlining anything...
...Need I say more?
Hey guys, I just came across this site called chatzy. It looks like we can make a chatroom there and only people we invite can enter. I'm not big on this technical stuff so somebody with more experience in this ind of stuff might want to check it out.
Spryte: Is in one of those large artists pads, like you get at art supply stores?
gwendymom: I'll leave the chatroom stuff to someone else. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I'll give it a try though, sure.
MY SCORE HIT 100! Yea, me. I don't know how to take a screen shot either. Poo.
LOL Christoph...braggart!
Ummm...couldn't you do a right click/save image as?
Somebody has to brag on me - nobody else is gonna do it.
Aside from the fact that it is too late...No, that doesn't work. I have read how my computer says to do it, but that does not work either.
Chris,
I'd like to add ...
"Sticks & Stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me".
to your list of dumb old sayings. - Thanks, David
Christoph, there may be other ways to do screenies, but here's how I do mine:
1. With the browser window showing whatever you want, hit the "print screen" key on your keyboard.
2. Open microsoft Paint
3. Under the Edit menu, hit Paste (if it doesn't work, go back and hit cntrl/print screen, I think some computers are different, or try shift/print screen)
4. Save file as Blahblah (Or cut off a section of it, and make a new Paint file and paste in just the section you want, then name it.)
5. Go to a dummy hub (I use one I never finished) and put the photo in a photo capsule, and hit ok, and done editing.
6. Now right click that photo in the unpublished hub and you'll see a menu come up... hit Properties.
7. Copy that URL.
8. In the Forums, there is a thing at the bottom of your post that says BBCode. It shows you how to do the [img] pasted url [/img] thing.
That's it. Sounds wayyyy harder than it is. Go try it.
516Ads: Thanks for stopping by. You're right. That is a dumb one. I could've gotten some mileage out of it. Thanks.
Shades: Thanks. I'll give that a shot.
Shades: That did it and it WAS easy. Thanks for telling me.
Hey Christoph, what's up?
I only have a laptop. It took some online research to find out that I have to click Fn + prt sc for a screenshot.
HP told us awhile back that we couldn't have a chatroom on this site. Sir Dent set one up (vsixc), but it ended up that usually somebody would be there hanging around hoping somebody else would show up. Different time zones and priorities.
Well here's the deal...I just talked to my husband, the Network Architect (can you tell he's standing right over me as I type this?) and he's promised to build us a web-based chat room off one of our servers. He won't tell me how long...one week...two weeks...before the end of the year...he gets more vague the more insistent I become upon a time frame.
It won't be ultra fancy with a lot of toys...but we'll be able to chat in real time. It will be password keyed. And that's all I know for now...
Does that sound like something you all would be interested in...or no?
Sounds great to me :)
Gwendy: Wass up with you?
Shirley: Thanks. Actually, mine worked just as Shades explained it above. Thank you for thinking of me, though.
Spryte: That sounds good, but would your husband be irritated if he goes to all that trouble and it goes bust, like with the problem Shirley suggests?
Misty: Hi Misty!
Hey Christoph, I didn't think anybody would be on.
Christoph - He would probably be irritated...but not at any of you. It would be me...and he's always irritated at me for doing something or not doing something...so I'm an experienced ignorer. :)
Don't worry about it...he's thrilled to have a project to do. I'm sure it will be used for something.
I think that would be great Spryte.
I'll give it a shot.
Okies...I'll let you know when it's up and operating. Passwords will be emailed or perhaps I could just flash one up here and then disappear it using the "Gwendy Method". :)
lol, thanks, I need the laugh.
This is an incredibly useful resource.
I never thought that the gwendy method would be the term for disappearing comments. LOL
Sherlynavia: Thanks for stopping in to read and leaving a comment. It is very appreciated. Are you sure you want to use it as a resource?
Gwendymom: Thats good. When you have an obnoxious comment someone left, you can gwendy it (ie, get rid of it before anyone else sees it.)
lol. I hope that chat thing gets up soon, I am just dying to try it.
I left a nasty comment on (name's) hub, but after I read it, I gwendied it.
rofl. Your crazy!!!!! But with looks like that it's ok.
Goodnight Christoph and Spryte if you are still out there. Maybe I'll see you guys on here tomorrow.
Aww. You're going to bed already? Ok. Good night.
I heard something about a chatroom? Why not just use like, AOL chatrooms or Yahoo chatrooms or something like that? They're already there, and you don't need a password to get into them. But if everyone would prefer a special HubPages chatroom, why not talk to management about it? I think it'd be really cool. It'd be a great way to get to know more people, and it'd be faster than leaving comments on hubs/forums. I could just be biased, though. I learned how to type fast and well on AOL chatrooms. xD
Hey don't go to bed yet Iv'e just got here .Lets party!!
Oops I might just have to gwendy this!
Kika: Management has already nixed the idea in the past. We WANT a password. No people just dropping in off the street, you know?
Ag: You didn't gwendy that! Do you want me to gwendy it for you?
No it's ok I just got tangled up chasing you guys around Hubpages.
You know how it is, when you lose the slipstream its hard to catch up!
I'd be in that chatroom idea,let me know if I can help in any way?
I think I might just feint/faint!
Oh, I see. Why'd they ixnay it? It'd be wonderful. :D Just think, a chat room full of us! xD
Wait, I think I see why they said no now...
LOL, I am a catch phrase. Yes! My dreams have been realized!!!!
Stick with us, kid. That's just the beginning of your dreams coming true. (Now THAT should be gwendied!)
That sounds so delightfully ephemeral... to be a phrase... it's poetic, really. Not just a phrase, but one to be caught, like a butterfly.
Now, see, if that's too sappy, I can just gwendy it. Or if I really don't like it, I can gwendy it with more emphasis like, "gwendy the shit out of it."
And technically, you're not only a catch phrase, you are a VERB!
Verbs are the cornerstone of poetry. Without action there is only objects sitting isolate in space. At best they accumulate adjectives, but, beyond two or three, what's the point.
A flower (n).
Fine. Whatever.
A pretty flower.
Ok, and your point?
A pretty yellow flower.
Well, that's nice. And?
Um.. a tall, pretty yellow flower?
/yawn
See, we need a verb or this noun has nothing. You are a verb, you should be happy.
a verb too, I have hit the jackpot!!!
This reminds me of the musical Wicked, where Galinda attempts to "Galindafy" Elphaba... And then goes to sing the song Popular... And then I start singing along, because it's just so catchy! o.o
As they say in the movie "I'll have what ever Shades is having!" He's floating on air!
We could also turn you into and Expletive deleted:-
" What the GWENDY is that" or wtg?
You like?
Spryte (catching up from the rear again as usual about 20 comments and half a day ago ago) But what if hubby reads our secret hub???? He might not like your secret Spryte-like life Or not ?
Hubby (if you read this) we love Spryte but she is so sweet and innocent. Husband mode OFF
sixty: The love fest has moved along. Try Mighty Mom's "How to treat a man" or Spryte's "Ken" hub. I have a feeling there will be a lot of hubbub on Sprytes new hub, "Interview with a Muse" today, so get up to date! I know how hard it is to catch up once you fall behind. It moves so fast!
Now I'm behind. I need to quit my job, so I can be a full time commenter (or is it commentor?). I just wanted to stop by, and drop off one of my favorite dumbass sayings. "You can catch more flies with honey, than with vinegar". WTF does that mean? When I first heard it, I wasn't even trying to catch flies! And if I thought my merits were judged by whether or not I attracted large quantities of flies, I would probably be using a dead possum. They attract WAY more flies than honey.
@ BT I would guess that after a swim in the Cess Pit you would attract more flies than you can handle. But, of course, I would prefer to attract chicks, not flies, nor those of the zip variety either.
I have just read through some of the comments, and I am intrigued by this gwendy as a verb idea. "To flash one...then disapear." Why am I now picturing gwendy, running around in a trenchcoat? Can peeping gwendies be far behind?
B.T.: I forgot all about that one. I think I heard the punch line, "but you can catch the most with a pile of s***. Stop by anytime and share your wisdom with us humans!
sixtyorthereabouts: We can't always attract what we would prefer.
BT: That's OK. Lots of guys picture gwendy doing exactly that.
Christoph-Can you give a guys perspective to solve the problem that misty\cindy is facing. http://hubpages.com/hub/How-Can-You-Reason-With-So
(Please excuse me for intruding like this but felt maybe an understanding guy could give some suggestions to help Cindy\Misty)
countrywomen: Hi. I have already read the hub. I am surprised that you think anyone would be interested in my perspective. I'm afraid I don't have anything unique to add to the comments already given. I also feel I don't understand the whole situation or have enough information to give advice about it. I have nothing valuable to say, and so I remain silent. Thank you for asking though. It shows that you care about other people. Thanks!
Christoph- The reason I asked you was we are (mostly women) thinking what we should do as a wife but you being a husband would give a perspective of what if (God forbade) you had a similar problem then how you would react to your wife or what approaches you would prefer your wife to take. Yes I am concerned too since shortly I will have to get married and maybe who knows if I was in a similar situation (again God Forbade) what should I do? From your writings I can feel you are capable of easily putting yourself in different shoes and coming out with a practically viable approach (from a guy's perspective).
Ok. I gave as much advice as I could (and that was reasonable - based on my limited knowledge of the whole situation). Thanks.
Thanks Christoph. I agree we need to have more information and also she is the one who is in best position to "know" what approach to take.
Thank you for asking.
*peeks in...smiles at Christoph...and tiptoes back out*
"wakes up...wonders if someone was just in his room, decides it was just a dream...a wonderful perfumed dream...makes sure the gun is loaded...and goes back to sleep with a smile on his face"
Christoph, I have been missing out here. I didn't know I was a flasher now. Wow, I have been busy. And I only peeped once.
Christoph,
I know exactly how you feel. I was once a poor college student sharing an old unit. Our water heater was perfect but some pipes went. So, cold showers for 4 weeks. We learned the trick that you wouldn't notice the cold shower half as much if you shower and sing, or run and shower, or run and shower and sin. Try any these combinations to see whether they would work for you.
cheers
Gwendy: Yes, you have been scarce and we are all the poorer for it. As you have noted, you were here in our thoughts and you HAVE been busy. I think I detected you wrote a new hub so I'm off to read it.
Benson: Thanks for stopping by and the advice. I think I'd rather stick with heating water on the stove and pouring it over my head. Glad you left a comment!
Aww Christoph, I have missed you much. How is the water heater thing going btw?
The saga continues. Still no hot water. Someday. Someday.
Christoph, dang, I cannot believe that you still do not have hot water, you can always come here and shower, I'll only peep once, ok maybe twice. But that's all! I promise.
Unbelievable, isn't it? Ok, but I'm modest so I'll have to wear my speedo.
No speedos in my shower mister!
Chris - my only comment on the water situation is local swimming pool! My least favourite stupid old saying is "neither a borrower or lender be" - on the other hand maybe that's not so stupid....
Actually I like Benson's advice...especially the last part about "sin". I probably wouldn't notice that the water was cold that way either :)
I bet when you finally do get to take a real shower again, you'll be very appreciative of it.
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder!"
Spryte, where have you been. I have been able to get on here tonight and you guys aren't here, just me, ag, and aj. We need to hijack a hub.
I think you highjacked this one Gwendy?
not yet ag, but I'm working on it.
So OK someone up there mentioned "absence makes the heart grow fonder" all right lets just say that it does. The question I ponder is how long is the absence before the heart stops being fonder and becomes, ho-hum,lets look around?
Would it be exponential. linear, J curve. Can someone answer this vexing question?
There should be some little avatar or something like they put on Hubmob hubs that indicates a "hijacked" hub -- that way people who want to go and play with hub terrorists like gwendymom (for example -- I'm truly not meaning to single you out, Gmom) know where people are. Just a thought.
Oh, I see how it is, now I am a terrorist. Roflmao, Guess it could be worse, I'm not sure how though. That would be a good idea though, Sixty is always saying he tries to find out which one we have been to the night before so that he can catch up.
We could play pin the pin on a Hub. Your it for the night?
So gwendy what does the trendy terrorist wear these days?
Especially one's that rofltao?
Right now, just pajamas ag, otherwise when I am taking care of kids I wear the mom uniform, T-shirts, capri pants, and flip flops.
Hm pajamas, not a real good look for a terrorist, don't really think that would frighten Maddie. We'll have to work on the image a bit?
Ag, I would wear a turban but it would mess with my hair and I just can't have that.
Hey everybody!
Hey Christoph, bout time you showed up.
Hey Chris how u been?
You been over to gwendy's taken a shower?
Gwendy , at a guess I would say a turban is not your style, unless of course it had HUGE diamond in the centre! I would go more for the Rambo look.
Head band: encrusted in jewels of course
Ammunition belt over shoulder with ermine (imitation)trimmings.
And for the guys (of course) a T-shirt.
Liz: Thanks for stopping by and the comment. I don't know what the temp is there in Australia, but it is too cold here for swimming (and all the pools are closed, including the one in my back yard.) Thanks for trying to help though!
Hi Spryte, Gwendymom, Mighty mom, Agvulpes: I am pleased to be the hijacked hub tonight.
Mightymom, I think the "hijacked" icon is a great idea. Let's get Paul Deeds to drop everything and get to work on it!
Spryte: You're right, Bensons Sin in the cold shower is a great idea, except for "shrinkage". And oh yes, I WILL enjoy my next shower. I will make up for all the water I havn't wasted for 5 weeks!
Gwendymom: Sorry I havn't been around either. I've had some work to do. It's nice that you are here though.
Ag: "Absense makes the heart grows fonder." I guess it all depends. What about "When the cat's away, the mice will play?"
LOL, I am afarid of what that eadband might do to my hair too, how about a tiara, every girl should have one, but I'll still take the ammunition belt an t-shirt. can I also have some cool shoes?
What, no mention of pants?
I'll work on the shoe's, how about rambo boots with the toes cut out, way cool?
Gwendy: Yes it is. It is also about time that when I DID show up, there were other people (by "people" I mean us, as those others aren't people at all).
Ag: No. Gwendy and I are currently negotiating my attire in the shower. She says I can't wear my speedo, as she wants the full monty. I wonder, Gwendy, suppose we compromise and I wear a jewel-encrusted thong?
Spryte: You still around? Have you published the top secret hub yet?
Your right Chris cold water and sins in shower don't go hand in hand!
Ag, I need pants, at the very least some shorts, I like the boots.
Christoph, I will think about it. I have been here all evening. Andyou caught me when I was about to go to bed.
I understand. Dont you worry about little old me. Nope. I'll be just fine. You go get a good nights sleep. Don't worry about me, no sir. Me and Ag, maybe we will just sit here and play a nice game of cribbage.
OK now Iv'e got the camera its over to gwendy's place take photos of Chris in his jewel encrusted thong. Rush back to hubpages and publish. I'll make a fortune.Hawwhaaaaa
OK gwendy its gotta be shorts. Sex sells!
Ah cribbage 15,2 15,4 One for his knob!
LOL, not with these legs it doesn't. You might want to do some editing, and don't worry about rushing over here to get Christoph's pic, I'll have the camera ready before he gets here.
So now that's all set up how about say 60-40.
I do have an air brush for the photos.
I practicing smiling for my photo op!
Its not your smile we will be photographing!
We might start you out on a new career/thong model?
sounds good, and I didn't think hub pages was going to pay off.
It never does. I feel like such an object.
Pay off, I think they'll pay us a fortune to disappear!
Poor Chris thinks we are turning him into an object, do you think we could give him, say 5%?
Good point! I hadn't thought of it that way.
I guess, but only 5%, he needs to know what it's like to be just an object, for acting purposes you know.
Now there's a saying that still holds true to this day, and being a cat lover you have probably used it: "Theres more ways of killing a cat than ......." no I better not!
gwendy ok 5% it is. So its 60 me 35 you 5 chris Ok
Ok guys, I have to get to bed, have a great night and maybe I will see you guys tomorrow. 60 me, 35you, and 5 CR.
Sure. The talent always gets the shaft. You won't believe this, but I actually did a strip-o-gram for Jaques Cousteau's daughter in New York. i did a comic strip-o-gram, of course, and it was a hoot, but I never did it again. I though of it because of what you said, "for acting purposes". That's exactly what we told ourselves when we did stuff like that.
yes thats what I said 60me 35you and 5chris.
Have a good weekend guys my turn to cook, catch ya later!
Just read your last comment, you are very brave I could not do that in a million years, but maybe just maybe a million dollars :-(()
Are you and extrovert by nature?
See ya later!
I was just thinking...
so what were you just thinking? hmmm
Nothing. I had a double post and I had to put something in there.
Ooh! Ooh ooh ooh! So, I've been busy with life and all, right? Well, at Gap, we got these coupons to give out to friends and family for the Give and Get event, which is where we basically give people close to us our employee discount. We get 25 card coupons to hand out, plus (essentially) unlimited email discounts, and 5% of all the proceeds we raise from our individually handed out coupons go to one of the six charities we get to choose from.
Well, I was thinking, since I have all these online coupons and a rather small email address book...
Would anybody like coupons? :D 30% off all Gap brands (Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic, plus our online shoe store called Piperlime which I've never checked out but have heard good things from coworkers, and it includes outlet stores and a one time use for the online sites [not sure about Piperlime, though]) that can be used as many times as you want (except online) from November 13th to November 16th. Dead freakin' serious, I'll gladly send them to you guys. Heck, I can even mail you one of the paper ones I have, if you would rather do that. Though I don't think you'd want me to do that. :-P Then I'd have your home address, and I'd be able to track you down... And we all know I'm a crazy muffafuffa (this word was invented by my best friend James).
So yeah! I have no life, and a crap-ton of coupons! If you want them, send me an email and I'll add your email to my list. On the website it said it wouldn't spam inboxes with other Gap emails, but I haven't had the chance to prove that yet, so I can't entirely guarantee no-spams. :-\
Concluding this segment of Kika Has No Life, what's up? I've been a little busy lately, if we haven't guessed.
Actually, none of us have been around too much lately. Too busy. I don't think I want a coupon, but other people might. Good to see you. I've got to hit the hay myself. Good night, Kika.
I don't know why you wouldn't, unless you don't shop at Gap or Old Navy or whatever else we've got. Did I mention some of the money spent by people with MY coupons go to a charity of MY choice? Because seriously, that's like the only reason I'm bothering to hand them out to like, anybody and everybody.
Meh. I like Gap Outlet clothes. They're cheaper than the normal Gap (I compared prices today at the mall while Halloween costume shopping; I'm gonna be a smexy pirate tonight!) and they last for like, ever. I swear they do. I got pants I bought there about 5 years ago that are still in near-perfect condition. I only say near-perfect because I had to roll up the bottoms so my shoes wouldn't scuff holes into the back of my pantlegs, and now there are permanent creases and still scuff holes which make the pants look a little odd when unrolled... Anyway, I like working there, too. There's this lady named Donette who is just so awesome to work with! Seriously! She's like the big sister I always wanted. Too bad I'm the only girl with three brothers... :( Ah well, at least life gave me a good insight to the male psyche. xD
Good night, Christoph! We'll have to chat it up later or something. ^_^
*peers in before calling it a night*
Sorry I missed the fun tonight but I just finished my Christmas hub and I'm emotionally drained. Hopefully I'll have my top secret hub up this weekend. I haven't had time to work on it without being bothered by a certain man I adore to "look at this honey!" or "check this out babe!" and I barely got this one in tonight. I had to snap at him finally and tell him that he was getting on my nerves.
He's flying to Seattle tomorrow for work though and that means I will have blessed peace in the house to write tomorrow night...or until he calls from Seattle because he needs to tell me something that can't wait until he gets home. :) He's so wonderful...but I still want to slather his mouth in duct tape sometimes.
Anyone else have that issue at all?
not really
Flashes in flashes out says hi and dissapears back into his hidy hole.
Kika: Smexy pirate, huh? I don't exactly know what that is. make sure you get a picture of yourself so we can see it. I have to make sure your not dressing too "smexy".
We're sorry we missed you too. Awww, your hubby loves you. I wonder what he's going to say when he calls from Seattle? I can hardly wait! I've stuck duct tape, I've wrapped duct tape, I've applied duct tape, but I have never "slathered" duct tape. How do you do it?
Ag and Sixty: Uhhhhh...Hi, By.
*grins at Christoph*
Come to Phoenix and I'll show you what "slathered" duct tape is all about *evil laugh*
Btw...Happy Halloween everyone
Ooh, ooh, I just had a thought. How about we slather Christoph in duct tape for his shower at G-mom's?
Spryte -- I want to go read your Xmas hub. Back soon! MM
Spryte: "By the ti - me I get to Phoenix...she'll have ducttaaaape!"
Mighty Mom: You are so creative...yes you are. Yes you are!
Actually, all this duct tape "slatherin" is starting to sound painful -- getting it off myself anyway. We were talking about some good, clean shower fun. Now it's turning into a Sado-masochism thing. If that pleases my partner, then I don't mind, except I GET TO PLAY THE SADO!
And theres the classical cowboy song "Don't tape me in"
How does it go "I'm the rootin tootin son of a gun from Arizona" or something like that?
That's a good one. I only know how the "don't tape me in" part goes.
... Smexy is just Sexy with an M in it. :P I would've thought that'd be obvious...
Yea, I get that it is Sexy with an M in it, so what's the difference between a sexy pirate and a smexy one? I think it's a pirate chick with smegma all over her.
Christoph...it's up. No! Not that...the hub. Go check it out.
There isn't a difference, really. I just felt like being silly. :P
Anywho, I'm really sleeeeeeepy, so I'm going to bed. Good night guys! <3
Good Night everybody.
Slathered duct tape sounds like something that might have helped form Hannibal Lecter's character. Fava beans marinated in slathered duct tape!
Hi Sixtyorso. Have you seen Gwendy's hub called "one word" where we define other hubbers with a single word? It's fun.
But I'm glad you brought my attention back to this hub. Earlier tonight I was texting my son with preliminary excitement about election results. He texted back, "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
Well, it looks like the chickens not only hatched... but came home to roost!
Hannibal Lecter definitely is the product of too much slathered duct tape. Duct tape and beans. Mmmmm.
MightyMOM- Where have I heard those words before "chickens not only hatched... but came home to roost!" (I sure hope Jeremiah Wright has a reason to be proud of America now). God Bless America.
OMG, Countrywomen! If I inadvertently quoted Jeremiah Wright, I certainly didn't mean to! But yes, he should have reason to be proud of America now. Michelle Obama should have reason to be proud of America now. We ALL should have reason to be proud that we have broken a huge racial barrier in electing an African American president. It's about damned time!!!
MightyMOM- Well those were the words that echoed in my mind when I read that quote. I always say this and even say it now (It's not about the race of a person but more about the person. May the elected leader be the right man for the right job). I do like Barack irrespective of his experience he certainly has cool temperament.
I had no idea you guys were over here talking. Hi Sixty, Countrywomen, and Mighty Mom. How are you doing?
Christoph- We were here earlier and left, when you decided to play with dolls instead of with us..LOL
Thats the problem with guys who play with dolls. They miss out on spending time with some great gals.
Your charm will get you anywhere (esp to any girls heart)...hehe
Sure have a great time with dolls. Gals will have to wait till you get tired playing with the dolls....LOL
Actually...the atmosphere is a little less toxic over here...
*ducks in to take a fresh gulp of air before the next comment*
WOW!! You have such an amazing ability to create visions with your magical words....hehe
Sure go ahead take your Oxyzen puff before heading out to greener pastures...Ofcourse from now till Jan 20th it's a duck season (lame duck session)...LOL
It is less toxic. There's an air of Indian Spirituality here. I don't play with dolls countrywomen. I was referring to those who do.
*looks at Christoph*
Will I go to hell if I admit that I'm close to losing my temper with the guest currently in the other hub?
Country...anywhere you are is always a breath of fresh air. This place is the greener pasture... :)
I'm surprised you haven't. i'm surprised I haven't.
Now I have to write a poem for spryte & christoph
Where ever there is spryte
that place is always bright
in her comments there is light
leads us to think right
====
If you have a flair for spiritual
then you can follow this ritual
talk to an enlightened intellectual
instead of following a manual
===
Thanks guys for the encouragement and this was a small effort to bring comfort (those suffering with toxic air)...LOL
That's nice countrywomen. Thank you. Time for me to go to sleep. Good night to you.
Adios Amigo Christoph.
Hello and goddnight. i did not realise that this hub had come alive again.
Have a lovely sleep you guys, wake up refreshed!
Good morning!
Good morning again!!
Howdy!
Hah! I sympathise with your misanthropism......I have to hold mine back, theres just too much to be angry about GODDAMMIT........GOD DAMN... DAMN DAMN DAMN, oh.......(drat).
Anyway. i used to get confused over the one hand clapping thing myself, but it seems to mean for some things to happen you need two bits. there is no sound of one hand clapping. Am i being obvious? Took me a while, maybe Im dim, I always thought it was much more deep and profound.
thequestfortruth: I know a kindred spirit when I see one. Glad you stopped by and left a comment. As for one hand clapping, I have sought another path towards the answer. When people climb to the top of my mountain and ask me, "Master, what is the sound of one hand clapping?" I raise my right hand, and rapidly close and open the fingers, slapping them against the palm. This makes a clapping noise (go ahead...try it). Then I say to them, sagely, "Now get the f**k off my mountain!"
For once...I am at a loss for words. :)
You? A loss for words? That is bitter-sweet.
How about "a stitch in time saves nine"? Five or six, sure, but nine? That's pushing it.
bladeguy: Yea. Besides, one stitch is not going to do anything. Thanks for the comment.
Chris I immediately thought of this Hub when I heard the following comment on the 6 oclock new tonight. Mind you this was after a minor tornado or something like that and about 24 inches of rain overnight so we wont be to harsh will we.
When asked how bad the rain was she replied:-
"It was so loud I couldn't hear myself think"
Ag: That's a good one. I forgot that one, though I have used it myself and have heard others use it. I like that one. It's got a Yogi Berra quality, like, you know, "nobody goes there anymore...it's too crowded."
Hey that's a good one too. lol
I've been thinking about doing a hub on Yogi Berra sayings. He's got a million of them and claims he doesn't make them up, but just says things and they come out like that.
I will never forget when I was young, we had a bag of fortune cookie at home. There was about 500 individually wrapped fortune cookies in that bag. For some reason I used to get the same fortune over and over again. The fortune read: "A fool at forty is a fool indeed."
Not much of a fortune for a twelve year old boy. :)
jdh: Wow! That is weird. I am assuming they weren't all the same. Those fortune cookies must have been really trying to tell you something. Ha!
Yeah they were all different fortunes except for the one I mentioned. I have yet to hit forty so I don't know if it is true.
jdh: Well, that's a stupid fortune. I mean, "A fool at 40 is a fool indeed?" How about "a rich guy at 40 is a rich guy indeed." You could say that about anything. I miss the good fortunes, the one's like "you will meet a mysterious stranger" and stuff like that. Thanks for checking this hub out and your comments!
Dead Ringer - back in the day, ocassionally people were actually buried alive. Bells were placed inside of coffins, so in the event a thought to be dead person awoke in his/her tiny room ~ they would ring the bell. If locals heard it, they would dig up the grave and let the person out.
Jazlive: That's a good one. Makes the way we use the term today kind of obtuse. Thanks for the comment!
Chris,
"I've been thinking about doing a hub on Yogi Berra sayings. He's got a million of them and claims he doesn't make them up, but just says things and they come out like that."
Will you please do that hub because I don't believe I know Yogi Berra.
Wow. I'll look into it. maybe I will.
I loved it! Hilarious and witty.
I guess you can't make a purse out of a sows ear(I have no idea what that means) .............but you sure do write some funny stuff
Gold Writer: thanks for stopping by and your nice comment! I appreciate it!
Dr. Jim. Thank you for the compliment. Glad you stopped by and took the time to comment. Thanks!
You are welcome. Keep writing, we need all the sage advice we can get.
I'll do that. Thanks!
You must b a crazy man:)
denise mohan: Certifiable! Thanks for visiting me in the asylum and leaving a comment!
hahahah. Very Interesting hub and catchy title. You made your point and I like it. I was expecting a bit of humor, sarcasm and truth and I got it all.
Shacks, lucky me, Now I am your fan! :)
Cheers!
Sheenarobins: Thanks so much for stopping in to have a read. Your comment is greatly appreciated. Thrilled you got the multiple aspects of this writing. Thanks!
Hi Christoph! I had good fun with this hub, thanks!
My personal fave in terms of stupid saying is "Love means never having to say I'm sorry". And, by all means, don't let me get started on the reasons! Laugh!
I have always preferred "The early worm gets caught"
Elena: Glad I could share in your fun! I agree: Love means having to say you're sorry over and over and over and....
Thanks for the comment.
Kevin: Indeed, he does! Thanks for writing!
OH. MY. GOD, you seriously had me laughing from start to finish. You are entertaining as hell, and well.. youre just awesome and you know it now dont you? ; ) Well you are, just in case you didn't know
Melanie: Well...if I'm awesome and I know it, it's because you just told me and I'm taking your word for it because you seem like an exceptionally intellegent, perceptive person.
But seriously, thanks for coming by and the kind words. I haven't seen this article in a long time, so thanks for getting me to look at it.
I'll stop back by soon to say "howdy." Have a good night!
"Like anybody even knows what the hell a groat is anyway." I do! It's a 4p coin in pre-decimal English coinage. I found an Edward III groat once, in Kent.
Whenever my Dad (and irritatingly early riser) says "The early bird catches the worm", my mother replies, "but the second mouse gets the cheese".
LondonGirl: I had to look up "groat" when I first wrote this (of course, I had to figure it was a coin or amount of money.) I'm wondering if the groat you found was valuable? Are they rare?
Glad to know your mum was on the cutting edge of "wise old saying" cynicism when she replied to your father's use of the old "early bird" saw.
Thanks for the visit!
It was one of quite a few we found - mostly pennies, half-pennies and farthings, but one groat. They range in date from King John to Elizabeth I. I don't think they are particularly valuable. But very interesting!
Very funny, but I can't get my mind off of $3000.00 for a water heater!
And then I think "3 weeks for a part"!?!
I coulda installed a new one in a day for $800.00............ but then I would not have been so thoroughly entertained for the past half hour.
It's better this way.
kittyasmith: I know! They must have thought I was the biggest sucker in the world. My friend and I installed the one I have, it only took about 3 hours (that's counting going to Sears and buying one) and cost less than $300 bucks.
Would you believe it ended up being about 6 weeks before the part came in and I had hot water again? The thing is, in the beginning it was "we'll have the part in a couple of days," and then it was "tomorrow," and then "tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow," until by then, I had invested so much time into waiting that I couldn't make myself bail out. If I had, then all my martyrdom would have counted for nothing, so I was compelled to keep waiting, nay, suffering.
Anyhow, it's all better now. Thank you so much for stopping by. Glad you were entertained. Thanks, too, for your comments!
reading this made my day and many thanks to you sir!
One thing i must add:
The early bird gets the worm, but what happens to the early worm? He gets eaten by some bloody great tapdancing bird with an apparently superior internal clock to his feathered brethren. Stupid worm should have stayed in bed
Nozkin: Thanks for stopping in and the comment. And you're right I never looked at i! from the worms perspective!
You really are funny... The concept is, and you've worked it out like any online comedy writer should!
Thanks, Dutch. I appreciate you reading my work, as I am enjoying yours as well. Thanks!
Don't you love how some hubs are just meant to be unearthed, like uh worms, 3 months later and they're just as good. Ah yes 'tis better to have read this hub than never read it all...! (I'll be blown if someone's written this already - I just scrolled right down here to say 'hi' Chris)
LifebyDesign: Hey! Thanks for coming by. Your statement that it was 3 months old made me go look. Gosh, it seems recent to me, but there it is...3 months. I like people to read my stuff no matter when I wrote it, although hopefully I get a little better as time goes on.
And no, no one has said that before and I'm tickled pink that you unearthed it like worms! I hope you didn't have to use the shock method, but I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks so much for your comment! A nice pick-me-up for me! I must return the favor.
hub writing is a addiction
Ah...Legali has spoken! I must meditate on your wisdom! Thanks!
being love and being dumped are two different categories
being dumped has only one part to it, that is the misery you fall into after it just happened to you. well, i don't know about others but normally you wudn't wanna be dump.
however love or being love has 2 parts to it, the part that feels like heaven when ur being loved back and the hellish part when u are hurt bec. of it
it is def. is better to be in love than not to love at all coz at least you had fun memories to look back on and you learn from ur mistakes and judge people's character better
Priceless hub -- I liked it so much I even scrolled down over ALL THESE COMMENTS to get here to tell you how much I enjoyed reading this. Memories of calling the Housing Inspector at 4:45 on a Friday afternoon, crying so hard I was snurkeling down the phone at him, asking "for F(&$s sake" could he just give me a bleeding LIST of what was wrong with the renovations, instead of popping round every Friday to refuse the permit because either a trench was 15 inches deep in places where it should have been 18 inches deep or there weren't wee bits of spray-foam insulation sprayed into the places where the wiring came down from the attic and did he know I was living in a bleeding motel run by the cheapest Pakistani Scotsmen in the US who were charging me internet access and I just WANTED TO GO HOME? Yeah.
Before I moved into the motel, I was living at the house (in hiding), and showering at the YMCA. That got real old. He signed the permit first thing the next Monday morning, by the way, but by that time my cat had died and I quit my job 38 seconds before I was fired and it didn't matter anymore, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself the king of infinite space. . .
The re-bar and car battery trick is priceless.
Hi Teresa, glad you liked it. Sounds like you had quite an ordeal. I just couldn't believe it went on so long. It ended up being two months.
Thank you for coming by, the story, and your kind words.
Haven't laughed this hard in a while. Well done!
Dale: Well, I haven't had a comment like that in a while. Thanks! Why don't you come around here more often? Seriously, thanks, man. Thanks for stopping by!
I needed some giggles, so I read this one again. Yep did the trick. Thanks.
Glad I gave you the giggles. I seem to have that effect on randy girls. Thanks for reading.
Yes I suspect that the randy ones are your specialty.
Theres another comment in which I have failed to make my true meaning known. In this case, the giggling is NOT a good thing.
Ah, but the correct phrase for the cake is that you can't eat your cake and have it, too. Somehow we mixed up the original and it just doesn't make sense.
By the way, I think we have the same birds outside the window :)
Now THAT makes sense. Thanks for straightening me out on the having and eating cakes thing. Obviously, it has bothered me for some time. I appreciate your comment.
What? Where?
Huh? Who?
"Theres another comment in which I have failed to make my true meaning known." come on give.
Damn. It was just a stupid joke that didn't work. I meant I make the girls giggle when they see me sans clothes, so it was a put down of myself. I am all bluster and no blus.
hmmmmm, Of course i love your Hub, as usual. There are a couple of sayings that I have, some of which I will keep to myself at this time. Here are a few that I would like you to comment on.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Not the brightest bulb in the box.
Dumber than a pile of rocks.
And finally, ...Stop doing that or you will go blind.
These are told to me almost daily and i am confused. Please help.
Pest: You have come to the right place. I believe I can help you to understand. The meanings of the aforesaid sayings, are as follows:
1. You're not playing with a full deck;
2. You're one egg short of a dozen;
3: Your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor, and finally;
4: There are none so blind as those who call the kettle "black."
Well tat didn't help! I am more confused than ever! :D i guess i should get back to my newest Hub and try not ot figure anything out. My brain may lock up and I will never finish!
Pest, don't listen to them. You're not an egg short. Some people just have an extra and don't know what to do with it. But you really should stop doing THAT. :-)))
A sandwich short of a picnic
The lights are on but nobody's home
LOL, London Girl!!! How many sandwiches does it take to make an official picnic??!!?? :-))
Pest: You're not a dumb as you look. I see how you have spammed me, promoting your new hub before it is even finished!
Proud Mom: Yes he should. Everytime he does it, more brain cells leave his body.
London Girl:
His transmission is stuck in 2nd.
He''s a donut short of a dozen.
Proud Mom: The disgusting thing is what he did with the missing sandwich!
Depends on how many people are there - I reckon it's the most common I hear, along with not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Or "has to take his socks off to count past 10"
What she said.
or, less politely, "has to take his trousers off to count past 20"
London: Ha! I never heard that one. Didn't expect that out of you. Such cheek!
I'm sorry to shatter your illusions.....
Ahhh, you've shattered one illusion and created another.
<worries>
No worries. Just idle chit chat.
Another hilarious rant of truth from you, you cheeky Irish guy! What would the world be without the Irish: dull!!! I guess the operative question is - but do you finally have hot water 5 months later? :) What Misha described is exactly what we have to do during hurricane season when thousands of people are out of power for months at a time. I've never had it that bad. Around here we just consider it "camping out." ... As to idioms - that's why they call them idiot-ums. (weak, I know, sigh)
Denny: I did finally get hot water. I really appreciated it. As for Misha's description, rather insulting, don't you think? In my tenement in NY we were often without hot water, and I am something of an expert in doing without - or making it for bathing purposes, as the case may be. What did he think? That I was just sitting around in my own stink and smegma for months? I don't think so. Damn, Ruskie! My people were making whiskey with hot water before his people ever heard of a bath!
Ha, ha. I like that "idiot-ums." Never heard it before. Thanks for coming by Denny! Always good to hear from you!
Awww, Christoph, we all know the Ruskies are just dead pan serious. He probably meant well...
OK, now who were making the whiskey 1st, yours or mine? Irish whiskey or Scotch (yuck on the Scotch though my half-Irish husband will drink it, give me cognac sans cigar, please - and a big snifter, thank you!) My husband is always amazed that wherever we go the bartenders give me huge glasses of cognac. I must have "I love jet fuel" tatooed on my forehead or something. Gifts of the grape rule!
As to the idiot-ums, well, your funny self rubbed off on me, me thinks! Thanks for a fun hub and wow! I just love how many comments you received and funny ones too.
Oh, and thank you for placing a link to my little poetry blog - so kind of you. I just now saw it this week. You are a gem of a guy! Are you doing any more poetry? The last one was fabulous and I'm ready to blog more. I've actually got some feeds this time - real people reading the blog, can you believe it? :)
Denny: Awww, Misha and I love to disagree, and have done so on occasion since then. He doesn't take any crap without giving it back, and I can admire that about him..so the point is, I'm joking around and I think he would get it (and dish it right back, too.) If I were serious, I would never say that in public. I have a little more decorum than that.
Historians agree that whisky production, albeit on a small scale actually began in Ireland somewhere around or before the twelfth century and was brought across to Scotland somewhat later. The first recorded instance of a grain spirit in Ireland dates back to 1172 and it is not till 1494 that a firm record exists of the same spirit in Scotland. It's interesting to note that the name "scotch whiskey" simply indicates that it was made in Scotland. Facinating, yes?
I also used to enjoy a cognac, sometimes even with a cigar.
It is I who should thank you for the link on your poetry blog. I think of you every day when I check the stats on my blog and see you there. You're the only one, so far. Glad to hear yours is doing well. Yay! I'm not surprised. It is very fine and I'm sure it will continue to grow. Mine is also growing by leaps and bounds. Everyday this week I have set a new record for visitors. I don't see any poems in my writing future, however. I thought about it the other day and I just can't face it.
Anyway, again I thank you for the visit. It always seems like a special day when you come calling.
Absolutely hysterical!!! Early bird catches the worm...hehehe Lol, I believe Robert Plant said that ? No, it was Robert something or other , good grief I am having sometimers disease anyways this was a golden moment and lately I have been looking for articles that are hilarious and this fit it in my book...LOLOLOL:)
Hi AEvans: How nice to see you here. Glad you enjoyed your visit...that's what it's for. Just to answer your question about who said this, Robert Plant may have said it in a song, I'm not sure, but it's first recorded in John Ray's A collection of English proverbs 1670, 1678:
"The early bird catcheth the worm."
That's true, now. I'm not kidding. I hope you continue to find things that make you laugh so that you have a happy week. You've made mine a little happier.
Thanks you have made mine happier too!! I knew it was Rober Plant and thanks for sharing the original history of the saying. :)
Your welcome. I'll see you a round...if I'm lucky!
Very funny. Enjoyed this. Hope the hot water is still flowing....
Cindy: Thanks for the visit. I'm happy to report that the hot water is flowing fine. Seems like a distant memory. Thanks!
Glad you got your hot water going again. What a terror! My favorite saying is "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Very funny material. Later.
Thanks for tuning in, Kosmo. Appreciate the comment!
Hey Christoph, Nice reading your interview and seeing that this is your favorite of all your hubs. I was a bit surprised, tho. I was certain the one about blowup doll companions would top your list. That certain was a fine piece of investigative reporting!
Anyway, happy misanthroping. I'm off to count my chickens before the cows come home.
$3000....for a damn water heater! ...... You can have your Kate and Edith too! They might be fugly and fat....but you can have them!
Great Hub Christoph! :)
Hi MM. I didn't know which to name, but this was under funniest, and don't think Dolls is all that funny. Glad you read this though. Thanks!
Tom: That's what I said! I kicked those rip-offs right out the door. Thanks for coming by and the comment!
ROFL!!!!!!! I think I really do prefer the "pissed-off" nature of this article - you should vent via the pen more often.
obxpoet: Glad you liked my "pissedoffendness!" I have been venting more since this was penned, and you know what? It feels good. It feels damn good! Thanks!
Well you can take a horse to the water...
Jayme Wium: ...but you can't make him drink, but you can force an enema on him if you have enough people to hold him down. Thanks for the comment.
"Being one minute late ain't too bad."
I love that one.
E.A.Wright: Thank you for your comment!
Wow, incredibly funny. It seems you wrote this a year ago which makes me a day late and a dollar short. I too had no hot water for a month at one time, however it was due to not paying my utility bill. Hense, the dollar short part.LOL. My wise old granny told me, that I made my bed and now had to lay in it.Well hell yes! If I take all of that time to make my bed, youre dang right Im going to lay in it. Who would want to lay in a messy bed with the blankets all crumpled up? Granny acted as if I were being punished by having to lay in a nicely made bed. For 3G's I would have taken a nice trip somewhere like vegas or something and said to hell with the hot water. Im making a very nice bed to lay in, tucking those sheet corners in ever so crisp! So dont listen to me. At least you had a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of. My Irish granny can come up with some good ones i tell ya. I cant wait to read the rest of your writings. You truly inspire me.
I know I've been here before, but it's been ages, so I'm hoping on Lisa's shirt tales and saying hi. Hope you're doing ok.
Lisa: A year ago? Wow. It doesn't seem like that long ago. It's been fun though, as I took the time to read this for the first time since then. I certainly appreciate your reading it. My Irish Grandmother didn't strike me as particularly funny, though my family moved when I was young and I didn't see her much. My father and aunts and uncles were funny as all get out though, and I could just sit and listen to them riff on each other.
I'm pleased I inspire you but I think you've been smoking crack. Just kidding (yeah, like you thought I was serious). But honestly, it's most flattering.
Thank you for reading this!
Jewels: How are you? We never harvest together any more. Actually, I haven't been playing for a long time. I think we're both busy. We should catch up!
Am doing fine. I'll look out for you somewhere in cyber space. I returned to the farm and conquered. The mansion looks spiffy.
I haven't seen your place since you bought the mansion. I'll have to drive by and have a look...or you could have me over for dinner!
Sure thing. How about crumbed chicken breasts, lemon butter over broccoli, julianne carrots, scalloped potatoes and a sprinkle of pinenuts
Sounds delish!
Brilliant!
Though I do have one qualm. In regards to the percieved conflict between good ole Shakespeare and the Romans, I think they would both agree that it is more of a scale or spectrum. While it is apparently better to be super early than just a little late, it is also better to be late than absent, therefore it is way way better to be super early than never.
Though I must confess I am not sure I agree with this. In this culture, we have such demand for our time that it is impractical to waste said precious time waiting around because you were too early for whatever random designated appointment when you receive no compensation for the time lost on "being early."
Not to mention the fact that "Better late than never" gives the impression that others are honored by the opportunity to receive an audience with you as in: "You are just lucky I am giving you any time at all buddy."
Great Stuff!
Amuriel: Ahhh, a scholar! I like you already. As for the Romans, if you were the messenger, what difference if they killed you now or later? Now old Bill said lots of things, often in the voice of a character, so he may have not believed this at all, but rather wanted to emphasize what an ass the character was. Perhaps the character was a king, an important, imperial person, and that could very well be his attitude. "I don't care if you have to wait three hours for me, but I will not wait one minute for you, you slime gutter rat. You are merely a prince. I am a KING." This turns the table on your comment. So now it's the other guy who is saying, "you are lucky I am giving you any time at all, buddy."
You are of course, correct, but now, the "late-ee" must decide if it's in his best interest to be on time and make his decision accordingly. "You pays your money and you makes your choice," as they say.
I would only say that sh** happens, and sometimes people are late. Try not to get your panties in a bunch. (By the way, personally, I am always on time. If you say you're going to be somewhere at such and such a time, then you should be there. But if someone dictates what time you will be there without your agreement - just tells you to be there, that's a whole different ball of wax.
Thank you for your comment. I'll be by to read some of your work later, when I can grab a few minutes!
Well said and I see your point. However, I would argue that "on time" and early are two different things. I would agree that it is always best to be "on time." Especially if one were to look into the basis of my previous argument as it relates to wasted time. Being late in turn wastes the time of the other parties involved. However, there are circumstances in which being too early can also be detrimental to the other involved parties i.e. when a person is so early to an engagement/party that things are not yet properly prepared. If you are too early to a shift at work, you might be put to work early, which, depending on your original intentions, can be very bad.
As you said "If you say you're going to be somewhere at such and such time, then you should be there." -at such and such time, not 30 minutes early getting in the way...
But then, we are quibbling about ideals on subject that is highly circumstantial in my opinion.
Amuriel: Are we quibbling. I thought we were being cute.
I am getting an headache. See? I am college edgakated. Yes, I shouldn't like to be there too early. On the other hand, because of the potential of unforseen delays; i.e., traffic, flat tires, city-wide power outages, murder; sometimes one arrives at their expected location early, having left early to allow for the unexpected. What are they to do? Wait in the car? Walk around the block?
Circumstantial. Agreed.
go worm hunting
Amuriel Hight: I cover them with chocolate and eat them.
Was searching for good hub to read, saw your hubpage. Great and i like it :)
man you are popular but with a hub like this one you deserveto be - excellent read and I thought I 'got'pissed off over things - remind me not to be in your neighborhood when your furnace blows up - thanks again for a really good laugh
Bonnie: Hi! It's all an act you know. Really I'm just a teddy bear (a slightly irritated one!) Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for your gracious comment!
Awesome hub!
Michael Shane: Thanks for the comment.
A poop in the pants is worth two in the pot
Thanks.
I liked this alot but you forgot "The grass is always greener on the other side"- because it isn't... sometimes its just Brown ALLO VER the place.I realize the literal translation is not exactly what they had in mind but still it does not matter sometimes where you are at isn the best place to be.
Tom: True. Of course there are many but I couldn't cover them all. I thought I might write more of these but never did. Oh well. Thanks for your input.
you know what they say... If the milk starts to spoil, then the chicken will not drink... lol!!!!
Really: Ha,ha. You covered a lot of sayings right there. But...if the spoiled milk spills, will the chicken cross the road to cry? Thanks for the comment.
I liked your straight forward, I'm ticked off and I'll show it attitude in this piece. I hope your HW tank is working better now. Lord knows it's no good to take cold showers all the time. Keep 'em coming!
RGNestle: Yes, thank you. I'm normally not ticked off, so it's more of a "put on" character. Thanks for reading this and the comment!
I thought it was Tennyson who said "It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."
Very funny tho. :-D||||||
Mr. Jib:
Actually, you are correct. It was Tennyson. I wonder how the heck I came up with William Congrieve. Oh well. Thanks for the correction and the comment!
Thanks for the chuckles. I, too, have suffered the perils of hot water boilers gone kaput, and so can sympathise. As for the illogical sayings, better out than in. ;)
Thanks Adele: Nice to meet you! Glad I gave you a few chuckles on this Sunday morn!
Oh my goodness! This made me laugh so hard. That saying about having your cake and eating it too is my mother's favourite. She pulls that one out on me wayyyy too often and it irks me so much because it just doesn't make sense. I was trying to read that part aloud to her and I was laughing too hard to even get the words out. Hahaha. This was such an enjoyable read. Thank you!
That's right, K, let mom have it with THE TRUTH! So glad you stopped in to read this, and even more, to share your positive feelings (I sound like a damn shrink!) Really, your kind words make me feel great, and glad I could make you laugh today! You have certainly put a number of smiles on my face today!
I'm always glad to put a smile on someone's face... especially after they put on on mine! :D
I tank yuh for dat, guhl!
Hahaha, yuh welcome, bredren.
Hahahahahahahah!
You're too funny! I'll assume you have hot water by now (either that, or you're boiling water to have hot baths). Thanks for another smile! Hugs for you tonight. :)
I DO have hat water (knock on wood.) Glad you stopped by. It's always nice to see you, and I'll take hugs from you anyday! Right back at ya!
You have "hat" water? I didn't think that was a 10 gallon hat you had on there! XD Been a crazy week. I'll talk with you soon. xox
Are you making fun of me, Beth? Of course I meant to write "hot" water, although "hat" water is also appropriate when you consider that my brain has liquefied.
I'm counting the minutes!
I am only laughing with you. I would never make fun of you. Now, we have to do something about solidifying that brain of yours! Oh, wait, I seem to have a problem with mine too!! :)
We'll solidify our brains together...or go skinny dipping in them, one or the other.
You're bad tempting like that! lol
Christoph,
I always find a laugh when I visit you! This is excellent! You even bring the soapy worm water back a second time. That was my favorite part.
I want to know who said it was better to have loved and lost anyway? How the heck do they know? It's kind of impossible to know, you know? Anyway, I try to live every day like it's my last, but I don't want to be right one day so maybe I'll knock it off! :-)
That's right, Beth. I'm bad; Bad to the bone; Rotten to the core; One bad apple spoiling the whole darn bunch. But I'm lots of fun! Ha! Sure, like you were tempted. Who's tempting who? Hmmm?
Hi AC! So glad I'm able to make you laugh. Laughing is so important. At least thats what I heard. When you really get down to it, these old saying are full of it - many of them anyway. I've always meant to write another of these..or two. How you doing, Teach? I'm practicing my three R's: Reilly's Raunchy Ramblings!
Can I tempt you with some new curves? She's pretty sleek and fast! :)
Beth: Oh, yeah. I'd loooooove to go for a ride! Although she doesn't have as many curves as your last avatar. There's definitely a thrill in going fast, but it's nice to go slow too and feel all that power just waiting to unleash!
(Lol, my comment sections are going to have to be rated for Mature Audiences only!)
I see I bring the best out in you! The rating will have to be R at this rate.... RFLOL
Beth: You can bring it aaaaaaalll out of me!
(I'm gonna have to spend a week in purgatory!)
That's better than isolation 'cause I think I'll be in purgatory with you! You bad Chris!! I was once this wholesome and innocent lady....... then I met you....
Bethie; Once wholesome and innocent? I'll buy that. Maybe you'd like to sell me the Quebec bridge too? No, no, my dear, methinks twas you who corrupted me! I was just an uneducated naive country boy, then you came along with your wicked big city ways!
Ha! I guess you should have hung on tighter when the turnip truck came into town!!! Nah, me thinks tis you who is the temptor! I have to go and pack for my week in purgatory....what shall I wear?!?
Ahem...it may be none of my business, but you two ought to get a room!
Beth: Pay no attention to Davy Crockett up there. Yes, I am to blame for tempting you with a shiny, juicy apple. (A gentleman always takes the blame.)
Hey Jack, I'm sooo sorry that I've left you behind....but you always told me you liked the way I looked when I walk away......
Chris -- I learned from Snow White to never bite into the apple. ha ha ha
He's not the only one, you know, figuratively speaking. I don't like to be bitten. Not hard anyway. Maybe just a little nibble!
Dearest Jack, it's not so nice of us to hijack Chris' comment section on his hub! Besides, what if he's reading this?!? ;)
Beth: I know! Right? Davy Crockett has been here for like two weeks and he acts like he's my best friend or something. I think he's following me around! And now he's flirting with YOU! The NERVE!
Hey, what happened to that thread "If you could spend 24 hours...?" Do you know? It's like a ton of it got clipped or something.
I think you have a pack of them to fend off -- found out the avatar has no effect on the numbers trailing me!!!
I haven't noticed any snipping in that thread. I just checked it out, and it appears that there has been less interest in it. Popularity type threads die pretty quick...the religious threads hand on forever.
Ah, when i checked it a couple of hours ago, it stopped at page 2, so no French yet. Anyway, I see it's there now. No new French to read.
Maybe they're following you because of your outstanding personality? I think Jack should change his avatar again.
Aye, tis I'm waiting for your response..... I'm starting to think that you need a manager for your split personality disorder. Oh wait...who am I talking to???
And Jack should be dressed for the beach..... and you..... should be dressed for a dip in the ocean with me!
Hey, who cut the top of my head off?!?
Beth: Waiting for my response??? The last thing was to somebody else, wasn't it, and you told him something about you weren't going to wait forever (I forget exactly), No? I'll go look.
I'd love a dip in the ocean!
Hmmmm, your head. What happened? Accident?
I hope you checked further up the dialogue...there was a response to you. It's the third one above logic's (yea, that was the jist of the response). Forgive me? Come, take a polar bear swim with me....
Never mind my head, what happened to Jack??!!??
Beth: Ah, I did answer but I guess I forgot to hit "reply now," or something. In any case, I have responded again. You know I would never keep you waiting if it's at all possible!
I would love to go for a swim!
Oh, I'm getting sooo cold waiting for you....the wind chill is terrible and I'm only in my bikini...it's only a 5 hour drive.... Could you bring something to heat me up with? bbbbrrrrrrr
Ahhh, sweets, you misunderstood. It's a five DAY drive. I haven't even hit Minnesota yet! Better wrap a blanket around yourself till I get there. Then you won't need it anymore!
DAYS?!? Thank goodness these polar bears are friendly.... a little too friendly..... but they're soooo warm..... ???
Beth: I know! Hitting the twin cities now. Don't worry about sending me directions; I'll just ask the border guards when I cross over. Take care that the Polar Bears don't need a little snack. I'd hate it if something happened to you!
It all makes sense LMAO :)
twentyfive: Hey, glad you liked it! Say, I offer GYABO services (glue your ass back on)!
I love this, Chris...so glad you put it on Twitter, otherwise I wouldn't have found it. Your musings are so funny and so true. Great hub.
alekhouse: Thanks so much for the visit and the comment! Nice to see you!
You're a jackass. The sayings here are not meant to be taken literally...
Anony-mouse: This article is not meant to be taken literally.
LOL!!! In my opinion, that wedding cake picture of the bride and groom should be the standard cake decoration for all wedding cakes.
hahaha.this is really funny.
Nice post!
very wise and witty, so maybe you can tell me- why does your nose run and your feet smell?
Uninvited Writer Level 4 Commenter 3 years ago
All's well that ends well.