What Is A Metrosexual and How Not To Be One
77Dandies in the Late18th Century
"Swell of the Day"
Joe Namath Puts On Pantyhose
Jack Sparrow - Metrosexual Pirate
Random Ramblings From Idlewild
The term metrosexual was first coined by writer Mark Simpson in an article titled Here Come the Mirror Men (The Independent, 1994). An apt title, as these men love to go shopping and "doll themselves up" so to speak, and presumably spend a lot of time preening in front of the mirror. Wikipedia defines the term as a "neologism generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for their appearance, or whose lifestyles display attributes stereotypically seen among gay men." The moniker is now attached to any man with the shopping, "I feel pretty" gene, regardless of sexual orientation, since the primary object of their desire is themselves.
Advertisers love them and now market men's beauty products to the mainstream male populace with a ferver previously reserved for women. Many woefully misguided men, lured by the slickness of the advertiser's craft, are lapping it up like sheep at a salt lick.
These men have been around for a very long time. The Elizabethans called them Fops. The late 18th to early 19th century saw the rise of "dandyism" and "Dandies". In the 1930's fashion concious men were coined "the 'Swell' of the day." Joe Namath proclaimed himself the first metrosexual. Say it ain't so, Joe, not because I care, but you simply weren't. You put on panty hose, sure, but you did it on TV and laughed about it. David Beckham's name is often bandied about as the poster boy for metrosexuals, and you're libel to see George Clooney and Tom Cruise labeled as such. They're not happy about it either. That's why you always see them going unshaven between movie roles. Johnny Depp has been called one also. Geez, you play one swishy pirate and you're a swishy pirate for life.
There are the beginnings of a backlash however, with the rumble of anti-metrosexualism faintly in the distance. This is not new. In the 70's, the Alan Alda "sensitive man" ideal was similarly adopted and then rejected by - you guessed it - women, who decided they liked their men being men. Same thing with metrosexualism: If women wanted to date themselves, God would have made them lesbians. Of course the advertisers had to slap a catch-word to these new men too: meet the Retrosexuals. As for me, I'm an Über Retrosexual. What are you?
Ever Go Into Victoria's Secret?
Are You A Metrosexual?
If you and your wife are always late because YOU'RE getting dressed...you might be a metrosexual.
If you've ever said to your pal, "Bubba...? Does this make me look fat?"...you might be a metrosexual.
If you get rid of your horseshoe pit so you can put in a lily pond...you might be a metrosexual.
If you tell your wife to turn off the football game because you need to talk...you might be a metrosexual.
If you ever threw out a perfectly good carpet because it didn't match the drapes...you might be a metrosexual.
If the girls call you up to go shopping with them...you might be a metrosexual.
If you ever go into Victoria's Secret just to browse...you might be a metrosexual.
If Prancer is your favorite reindeer....you might be a metrosexual.
How Metrosexual Are You?
So now you have some idea of whether or not you're a metrosexual. But how much of a metrosexual are you? Here's your chance to see how your metrosexuality compares to others.
The Important Poll
Which would you rather drink?
See results without votingWho's music would you rather listen to?
See results without votingSame question
See results without votingNot counting sneakers or boots, how many pairs of shoes do you own?
See results without votingWhich play would you rather watch?
See results without votingWhich movie would you rather watch?
See results without voting
You're exhausted from a hard day at work. Your wife asks you to make love. Do you...?
See results without votingYou're exhausted from a hard day of work. Jessica Alba asks you to make love. Do you...?
See results without votingJessica Alba
Are you gay? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
See results without votingDo your friends think you're gay?
See results without votingDoes the mailman think you're gay?
See results without votingSeriously, you're gay, right?
See results without votingToiletries
Nowhere else does a man's metrosexuality show as much as in the bathroom. If you have a plethora of prissy products that would make a woman green with envy, try these manly substitutes and save yourself before it's too late. As for the metrosexual products, they are offered from a variety of sources, which is OK with a metrosexual as they love to go shopping all the live-long day. All the manly products can be purchased at Walgreens, suitable for the manly man, since he can get home fast, turn on the ballgame, pop open a cold one, eat some jalapeño poppers and slurp down some raw oysters.
Manly Man Alternative Stuff
This has FOUR blades made from real Titanium, not faux, thank you very much.
Schick Quatro Titanium Razor & Cartridges $9.49
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Badgers? We don't need no stinking Badgers. This baby's natural too, and works just fine.
Van Der Hagen natural shave brush $7.49
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Yo! Mamma's boy! This was good enough for your father and your grandfather before him. That's tradition, Dude.
Barbasol 2 for $3.00
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Slap some of this on your face, Bucko. It stings like it's supposed to and wakes you and your face up, so it goes good with your hot morning black coffee. Gooood Mooorning Viet Nam!
Skin Bracer After shave $5.99
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OK, but you don't have to be a sissy about it. This stuff doesn't sting and it smells great. Plus it's got the word "virgin" in it.
Clubman Virgin Islands Bay Rum $6.79
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This is a no-brainer. What would Steve McQueen use?
Old Spice Original $11.99
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Clay? Isn't that like...dirt? Thanks but no thanks, Mister. I'll stick with the classic.
Colgate toothpaste with flouride $3.19
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Call it what you will, charge what you want, nobody has ever improved on the standard.
Lubriderm All Purpose skin lotion $3.79
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Calvin Klein? I said "manly pursuits", like playing rugby against the Manchester Maulers then going out for a pint. Not just standing around in your underwear.
Original Speed Stick by Mennen $2.99
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What the hell's a nano? Pay attention, Spongebob. This does it all AND prevents that nasty dandruff. Soak on that!
Head and Shoulders 2 in 1 Shampoo and Conditioner $7.49
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The next time you're camping in the wild, you can use this stuff right in the river and it won't hurt the trout you're going to catch later for dinner. Plus, it's the only soap that floats. Now that's cool.
The Original Ivory Soap. No additives. Just soap. $1.39
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Listen up, nancy boy. This stuff lathers up good and smells great, like fresh cut grass. Manly, yes, but she likes it too.
Irish Spring Green Deodorant Soap $2.79
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This is what Elvis used and nobody ever saw more action than the King. A little dab'll do ya.
Brylcreem $6.99
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Say what? These come in a leather case. 7 stainless steel tools and 1 of 'ems a 3 in 1 utility knife. Nuff said.
Red Men's 7 Piece Grooming Kit $8.99
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Tear yourself away from the mirror, get off your butt and get out into the sun, you pasty-faced wussy. Do some manly work for a change. Rip out that lily pond and put in a regulation horse-shoe pit - with lights this time for night play. Your color and your self respect will come back real soon, and the ladies will follow.
Get out in the sun and do something like a real man $FREE
Metrosexual Bath Products
Every guy needs a good razor. Ladies like a close shave. Stubble hurts.
Faux-ivory razor by D. R. Harris & Co. $99.00
A shaving brush is a good thing, no question. You can really work the cream into the beard.
Badger-bristle shaving brush by Czech & Speake $84.00
Shaving cream allows the blade to flow smoothly over your skin. Very important.
Luxe Formula shaving cream by Fresh $18.00
A man needs a good aftershave to put an exclamation point on a nice, close shave. Something medicinal for the skin.
Baldessarini Del Mar aftershave by Hugo Boss $48.99
Some guys have sensitive skin and need something different. It's a fact of life. Understood. And I'm perfectly fine with that.
Razor Burn Relief Plus by Lab Series for Men $25.00
Sometimes a man might want to put on a little cologne. I said "a little".
Rush cologne by Gucci $40.00
You gotta keep your teeth clean. Chicks hate yellow teeth (don't you?).
Umbrian-clay Toothpaste by Fresh $18.00
Sometimes a man's skin can get beat up from dog mushing in Alaska and trekking in the Sahara.
Oil-free moisturizer by Peter Thomas Roth $40.00
A man might want a deodorant when engaging in various manly pursuits and activities. A real man sweats, and soaked underarms are very unsightly.
Contradiction by Calvin Klein $14.00
Like to shampoo and condition your hair? No problemo. Except you're in a hurry, you're in Paloma, and you're going running with the bulls.
Purelolgy Nano shampoo and conditioner $59.
Every guy should have a good bar of the soap in the shower. There's something about holding the bar and scrubbing your skin that shower gels just cant match.
Acqua di Colonia Soap by Rance $11.90
Some guys like for their soap to really foam and lather up. No complaints from me.
Shampoo Body Bar by Aveda $12.00
Sometimes a man's hair can be unruly and need a little help staying in place. There's stuff for that.
Sculpting Gel by Lab Series $30
Guys have to cut their nails just like the ladies, and tweezers are good for pulling out Killer Bee stingers.
Clippers, tweezers, and nail scissors by Erbe $149.00
Sometimes a guy can get a little pale from all the time spent indoors, like at the mall, in the bathroom, in your dressing room figuring out which pants go with which shirts with which tie and which shoes should you wear with that ensemble. I mean...gosh....what's a fella to do?
Radiance-Plus Self Tanning Cream Gel by Clarins $51.00
OK...In Retrospect, Maybe Playing Rugby Isn't Such A Good Idea
Get With The Program
Now you know if you're a metrosexual, how your metrosexuality stacks up against your peers, and what you can do about. Heed this advice and before you know it, you'll be playing Texas Hold 'em with guys like Steve McQueen, Clint Eastwood, and the quintessential tough guy, Bogie. Here's looking at you, kid.
False Accusations and Article Theft!
- What is a Heterosexual and How Not To Be One
This person has made the false accusation that I stole this article from him! Furthermore, he has stolen my name and my identity. He writes posing as the REAL ME, and makes me out to be a hick of the "squeal like a pig" variety"! Read it and report!
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CommentsLoading...
Good hub and I'm feeling your sense of humor. I'm thinking of starting my own A-Team and that's A for alpha male. Our first target for reconditioning is that nancy boy Ryan Seacrest and I figure we can knock out 60% of all metrosexuals at once by raiding Abercrombie and Fitch.
Hey, pgrundy. Thanks for stopping by. I know what you mean. I took the poll and I think I came out as a lesbian trapped in a man's body. What the...? Glad you enjoyed it.
talented_ink: Count me in! Seacrest is actually one of the names I came across in my research, but figured he was so obvious I left him out. Thanks!
This is a great hub and I love your sense of humor. The poll questions are hilarious and you really spent a lot of time with the product alternatives. All in all very entertaining.
I do have a question or two for you though. First of all, is that you in your avatar. If you said yes, then you might want to add: "If you get dressed up like a cowboy and take a Glamorshot.....you might be a metrosexual." If it is NOT you, then whats the story? It's ok to admit that you are gay.....not that there is anything wrong with that! Don't worry, I am just an obnoxious fan. :)
Hey Rhym O'Reison. I'm glad you liked the hub and found it hilarious and entertaining and blah, blah, blah. Now let's get down to business!
Well, shoot me for a polecat! Glamour shots my ass! That was taken by a REAL professional photographer and cost a lot of scratch! I knew someone was going to bring that up. Congrats on being the first. I was a professional actor and I have lots of pictures like that - tools of the trade. That one is a publicity still from a tour of "Cotton Patch Gospel" and when I was doing the troubadour thing. It was WORK. I can't help it if I'm purty. As for me being gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), maybe I is...and maybe I ain't. Why don't you come over here and sit on daddy's lap and we'll try to figger it out.
But seriously, thanks.
Great response, but is it possible that.."the lady doth protest to much, methinks". :) I read this great quote recently: "For the love of God I am NOT a homosexual!...........though sometimes gay friend would be an apt description." I guess there should be a new catagory here for "fauxmosexuals", those who are definitely straight but are percieved by others as not for some reason.
Glad you took my comments in the spirit they were intended, and I will try not to take yours as from a creepy, perverted uncle and will imagine you are really just a normal, red-blooded, hetero, red-neck perv! That makes all the difference to us southern girls, you know.
You make me laugh. You are right, of course, methinks I do protest too much. As Shakespeare also said, "none but your sheets are privy to your wishes." Fauxmosexuals! Did you make that up? It's very clever and you are a clever lady.
As for all those things you will try not to take me as, how dare you say such things to me? I'm NOT an UNCLE! Actually, I am an Uncle, but not a redneck.
You have made me self-concious about my Avatar though. In the future, look for my hubs with a simple poloroid snapshot and a fake Irish name: Paddy O'Furniture. Until then, I bid you adieu.
Please dont change anything on my account. I LIKE the picture and it has given us so much to talk about. Plus, none of this thread of commentary will make any sense to future readers if you have a plain-jane normal pic like everyone else has....me included. It will just make me look like the wench of the world for picking on you.
Unless that is your intention, but I am sure you are more of a gentleman than that. Ha
Of course not. All in fun. I've enjoyed our playful banter. I admire your wit and humor. I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places. Happy Labor Day!
Oy the side by side on the toiletries cracked me up. Except for the Brylcreem! No! does anyone seriously use that stuff nowadays unless they want to be taken for a 60's greaser? I can't even remember seeing it at the CVS.
And y'know what, you could do a similar side by side on women's products, I know all about the $3.99 stuff from walmart but you'd have to consult someone with bucks for the left side.
Hey, Hot Dorkage. No. I wouldn't use Brylcreem either, but they're still selling it so someone must be. I have played a couple of roles where I've had to use it. I'll say this for it: When you shampoo it out you wouldn't believe how nice your hair looks. I think the trick is, literally, a little dab will do. Then you can't tell that it's there and it's not greasy, but gives some manageability. Anyhow, I just wanted to get the Elvis bit in there.
Thanks for popping in and your comments.
I'm with hot dorkage. As a beer guzzling bloke from OZ I ain't ever seen anyone use Brylcreem and I hope I never do.... Does it really make the hair shine after a shampoo? Not that I care.
Another great Hub
Cheers
I really don't know that much about Brylcreem. Maybe I should have gone with Dippity-Do instead, for that spikey look?
Thanks again. Always a pleasure!
Come on Christoph... metrosexuals are not that bad :) Which woman does not like a clean shaven, well dress man who is not burping beer and scratching his ***** when he is talking to you? Ok... maybe I am exagerating , but honestly a little bit of "metro" does not hurt don't you think?
BTW love your avatar... very "metro" :)
Hi Princessa. Always nice to hear from you. Now, did I say anything about being a slob? In fact quite the opposite. I think it's more of how much attention do you give it. You can accomplish the same things without spending a fortune on products because the advertisers tell you you need them. It's supposed to be funny...you know?
So, in answer to your question, sure, a little metro does not hurt. It shows respect, for yourself and your lady.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go "burp" some beer and scratch my ***. As Groucho Marx said (and I think it can be applied to women), "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member."
Seriously, thanks for reading and taking the time to leave a comment, and for commenting on my avatar. As you see, I clean up pretty good!
I love it! I am always talking about how guys in my area are way too pretty. I mean when you start being insecure because your date is prettier than you its a major problem. I live in THE OC and its out of control here. haha you have given me an idea for a HUB actually. Thanks! I like the cowboy look too. You need some scruf tho, its rugged.
Thanks, Aubrey, for your comments. Glad I gave you an idea for a hub. I'll be sure to catch it. Hey, I can do stubble and I usually do. I hate shaving. Sorry, but I don't dress up as a cowboy either. Thanks again for stopping by.
this is full of gayness questions. happy to have read it -LOL- and jessica alba is just hot -lucky daddy-
on a serious note I think its ok for a man to appreciate oneself as long as they know the limit of being a narcisistic jerk.
As you may have guessed, I use a lot of shampoo. So I like Alberto VO5, readily available at the dollar store. As for shaving, that's just too much like work!
Mattferry, I should have put a disclaimer at the beginning: This is a work of satire and is not to be taken seriosly. As for gayness (not that there's anything wrong with that) one of the definitions of metrosexual is a heterosexual male who adopts the behavior of gay males. I didn't make that up. The purpose of the "gay" questions is an attempt to seperate true homosexuals from heterosexuals pretending to be homosexuals pretending to be actual women. The bottom line for me is, I don't care what anybody does to themselves. That's their business. But I'll defend my right to laugh at them, to the point of dueling with the weapons of your choice. What's that? Curling irons at 5 paces? Done. We shall commence at 6:00 AM in the lingerie section of Walmart. That way, we'll both be on home ground.
You are absolutely right about the narcissistic part. Nothing wrong with that. Thanks for dropping in.
B.T. Evilpants: Always a pleasure, Mr. Future President. I fully approve of your choice of shampoo. I can see how shaving for you would be like climbing Mount Everest. When facial and body hair is as luxurious as yours, why shave it off? Especially when it is so valuable to hunte...uh...desirable to the ladies.
Thanks for hopping by and for your comments!
Great Hub! So many of my friends are metrosexuals and resent being called such a thing... but so many popular celebrities are as well, as you have mentioned!
Thanks, glassvisage. Always nice to see you!
It's always a point of turn off when a guy dresses better than me, or if his shower/day ratio is greater than mine.
You brought back some nice memories of important men in my life, all of whom would have bought their grooming products from the right-hand column. Even to this day, getting a whiff of that Old Spice scent can actually bring on tears of fondness.
And please keep your avatar just the way it is. You could use graphics software to touch it up with some stubble if you feel you have to, but I don't think that's at all necessary.
FABulous Hub! :) Looking forward to reading more from you! xx
Quensday: That must be an irritant, to say the least. It is expected of women, but with guys getting in on the act, They are like interlopers on your territory. I didn't even get into stuff like make-up for men. If my woman started dressing and acting like a guy I'd freak out.
Sally's Trove: I've been seeing your name around and am glad to get the chance to meet you, and looking forward to getting to know better you and your writing. I am glad to have spurred those memories.
The avatar thing isn't a big deal, just my friend Rhym giving me a hard time. It's just the mood I was in the day I joined hubpages. I was actually thinking about writing a hub about it, a "let the people decide" kind of thing. Depends on if I can figure out a way to do it and have it be funny but not egocentric. It's funny that it has come to be such a big part of the feedback for this hub. I've always thought that I didn't really care what other people think, but apparantly I do, at least a little.
Thanks for writing and taking the time to leave a comment. It's appreciated. Stop by anytime.
Lifeboost: Thanks for the comment. Glad you liked it. xx to you and a couple of oo's!
Okay so the hub is hilarious but as a self-proclaimed homosexual, allow me to tell you all that we're not that thrilled with the Metrosexuals either (Are you listening Miss Seacrest?) and it's not because we're afraid of the competition, it's because they always make a fatal mistake (usually matching their socks to their shoes and not their pants). Let's face it, some things - such as fashion and sleeping with men should be left to us gays - are you listening you supposed-straight Republican leaders who tap in bathrooms??? Once again, great hub and great writing!!
somelikeitscott: I know! They are INFRINGING on YOUR territory! They come into your closet like they OWN the place. Reminds me of the American Indians and the settlers. You were here first. I think you should organize a war party (you can serve canapes), put on your moccasins (Argentinian calves leather, Ralph Lauren - $239), mount your mustangs (2008 convertable - red), and scalp them (or at least hide their toupees.) Thanks for writing and the compliments. Cheers!
lo0ol...nice one :) u r really gifted
and oh! of course i would rather look at Jessica Alba, may be Angelina Jolie too if u had put a pic :P
waiting for more
Mezo: Thanks for stopping in and leaving a comment. Yea, Angelina Jolie is very attractive too. Thanks!
Yea! What you said!
LOL!!!!
I know! WTF?
roflmao, that's funny stuff right there.
Chris...I'll be so heartbroken if you turn out to be gay...
me too. I'll still love you though.
You have a new fan, Christoph. That's awesome.
Yeah! Actually, this hub is going bonkers. There is all this traffic coming from a site called performanceforums.com. I went there, but I can't figure out how it's getting to me, can't find a link, etc. It's all about cars. Was wondering shades if you were seeing a strange jump on your parody?
Oh. About that other thing. You need have no fear on that count. I'm all horndog man!
Well that's good....I think. :)
Apart from showering daily and always using deodorant, I take very little care of my appearance. And yet people meeting me for the first time always think I'm gay (except for when I took a holiday in San Francisco, everyone there could tell I was straight). Oh well, the ladies seem to like that...
zimbra: Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to leave a comment.
I haven't looked at mine, lemme go see, maybe it took off. One sec.
Welp, got me a few page views but weren't no new ree-marks. I reckon folks is just right keen ter learn about metrosexuals agin.
Yea. I only got the one comment. According to hubpages, I got about 60 hits from there so far (but it's closer to 100, I'd have to go to analytics to find out) so not as much as it looked like it was going to be.
Hey, any spike in traffic is a spike in adsense revenue. I bet you picked up 1/2 to 3/4 of a cent off that. Don't bemoan the rising tide of your fortunes. My poor Christoph Rielly puppet doesn't even have an adsense account, all his money will be forever held in limbo.
I agree. That kind of thing is still fun for me. Plus, I like to know that people are reading my stuff. Hey. I can use every 1//2 cent I can get!
Just so you know... the nano works shampoo is just shampoo, there is a seperate conditioner. They are not combined into one bottle. But the shampoo is so much better than most men products it leaves the hair luxurious so I can see where men get it confused.
Peyton: Thanks for leaving the comment and the info. I have made a correction. I appreciate your setting me straight, and you are correct. Thanks!
Id skip on doin anything with that alba chick. I heard she got them genital herpes....
Mellasviews: No kidding? No...really...no kidding? Oh, man, you just killed a major fantasy! Still, it's better I should know. I'll have to break my date with her this weekend! Geez.
Do you have any fantasies, Mella, something I can beat with a baseball bat, forever bruised and bloody in your mind? Not that I would or anything!
Chris, I didn't know what a metrosexual was! Well I knew them, just not what to call them. Did you know that Ivory soap was a manufacturing mistake. The promotion department was called in to save the day. And they did $$$$! But your buying air man, nothing frugal about that.
Patricia: Well, I'm glad I was able to explain something you didn't know. I never heard that Ivory soap was a mistake, but I love those stories! I don't understand "buying air man" comment. What's it mean?
A good soap is milled, the air is taken from it till its pure and dense. The ivory soap machine malfunctioned whipping air in to the soap, big, big no-no. So they had to find a way to sell this mostly air soap. "So pure if floast" They sold tons and it was way cheaper to make cause there isn't much soap in it. So, when you're buying Ivory you are buying air! (and some brilliant marketing too I guess)
It seems to last as long as a regular bar of soap to me. Anyway, I never heard that story. Facinating.
I wouldn't like to compete for closet space with a metrosexual, and he can get his own darn bathroom. And if he touches my razor, he's out.
Jewels: I agree. There's guy stuff, and there's girl's stuff, and never the twain should meet.
My Dad is of the firm opinion that all men need in the grooming department is:
soap
toothbrush
toothpaste
comb
shampoo
dederant
shaving stuff
LondonGirl: Your father and I are in complete agreement on this (or close enough.) Thanks for dropping in and the comment.
A metrosexual pirate!! That's hilarious. So why are we women so drawn to him? He's disgustingly dirty, but very hot at the same time. What's up with that?
And I'm sorry, but anyone who carries a "murse".......oh, I'll keep it to myself.
I don't know what's up with that, PM. It's also cowboys, dirty from the trail and smelling like a horse, that muscular dude with his shirt off diggin that ditch for the county, and lots of others that just don't make sense. But I can identify. In my younger years, I would have a date or two with the most incredibly beautiful girl, and have to break it off cause she was dumb as a rock. Our fantasies don't fit our necessities. Or something like that.
Let me finish that thought for you: Anyone who carries a 'Murse," is a Mussy.
Hi Proud Mom - little boys adore bags, though, all the ones I see seem to have one.
LondonGirl: Yes, but do the bags look like purses? For women? Everyone in NY had shoulder bags. There was simply no way around it with all the stuff you have to carry. But the bags were masculine, not like they were going out to dinner with their favorite Chanel purse. So are the boys carrying little Chanels or Bendels?
Here, the word "murse" is derived from "man purse." They are not very masculine.
Ah, no. I just thought it was a man-bag. Isaac has a fairly typical one, a monster-shaped rucksack, to carry his toys in. Not exactly girly (-:
Christoph
I am impressed by the number of people that took your polls.
I couldn't participate because none of the two choices were mine and there was no choice left, but the fact that you had so many do them is outstanding.
I can't comment on your hub's subject, other than carrying a wallet is even too much baggage.
LondonGirl: That's perfectly normal and cool. A monster? I want one! No, PM's referring to something entirely different, and I thought you were missing something in the translation. As always, a pleasure! (Between you and me, I couldn't care less what people do. This hub is just me trying to be funny.)
Issues Veritas: Well, the polls here are really nothing more than an extension of the humor, and could almost stand as a hub on their own. The polls were new at the time, and I was trying to come up with a different way of using them. For another example, see my "Ginger or Mary Ann" hub, where you keep score and your score is supposed to tell you about your personality. Actually, I haven't used polls much since then. Thanks for writing and for the comment!
I feel better about myself after reading this...I think I may not be a metrosexual afterall! Hmm...I do use Ax Bodywash though infused with Brazilian hot mud and red dragonfruit extract! I would drop anything for Jessica Alba though. I'm confused.
You didn't seriously NOT feel good about yourself because of this stupid word, did you? This is just a humor piece and is not intended to be taken seriously. Besides, you saw how all the women came to your defense. Whatever attracts the type of woman you want to attract (uh...the good looking ones) is OK in my book. Thanks for the comment.
A well groomed man is nice. As long as he's still not afraid to get dirty. ;)
Randy: I can do the dirty part pretty good.
Yeah, I'm confused and sad now :) I used to think I was cool...now I wonder if the coolness I thought I had was really lameness. :( I even wonder if my groomness is good enough anymore.
kea: What the....? Are you still going on about this. Jaysus C. Rist! Lookit, son. March to your own drummer and to hell with the tuba section. You said you have no trouble attracting women, right? Then what are you worried about? Unless you're pulling my leg with this whole thing, in which case, Ha, ha. The best thing you can do is quit obsessing over it. Okay, second best thing. The best thing would be to tell your girlfriend to get the hell off of Facebook, drag her into the bedroom by her hair, and show her what a man is. There is nothing like a night of great lovemaking to restore a man's faith in himself and the world (we're assuming here that you pleasured the woman fully). A good woman can heal all.
Chris I think he's just kidding. Maybe looking for someone to offer to help. Ooooo Kay, I'll be the good samaritan. Being a man, Chris (and oh, what a man) I don't think you qualify for the job. So Kea, if you want I could study your grooming habits, clothing choices (thong not a good idea) and go over your food and wine prowess. And any other special talents you want to share. I'll give a full written report to Chris and he can run it through his computers. Agreed?
I want to grow my hair longer. meow.
Hey Randy. Hmm...I'm a bit nervous, but okay...you can study my grooming habits, etc. Can Chris's computer really spit out the answers? I'm open to this, but a tad nervous.
I don't really give a shit if Chris even owns a computer... I mean of course it will. Now come with me. First I need you to show me what products you use in the shower. No, really I mean "in the shower."
Nice move, kid.
Hmm...okay Randy, I'm a bit shy in the shower and my knowledge of shower products is quite limited, but I'm willing to learn. Can you help me, uh, in the shower? Hey, I thought Chris had a supercomputer or something! This whole thing is making me nervous though...I'm outside my limted comfort zone to the max. I think I may chat with my guild friends because this whole shower thing has me sweating.
Well Kea, if you are that nervous I'll go first. I'll show you a girly type shower... shower jells, fluffy puff, lots of lather, shaving places you don't need to shave. That'll be the what not to do portion. Then you can show me a more manly version. But really if I'm scaring you, and I don't mean to, we could get Chris to show you?
*homes in on the world "guild"*
Aha! You play World of Warcraft!
OK...I'll tell my guildies "I have a raid elsewhere". Randy, you are scaring me a tad, do you think Chris can help? I love showers, but the thought of "fluffy puffs" is almost too much for me. Do you think we can listen to Joy Division in the shower? I recently have become obsessed with them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZwMs2fLoVE
@Spryte: uh, world of what? What you talking about?
I might be available for some tutoring. My fee is $500 per hour.
Chris he's all yours, I've never had to try this hard to seduce a young man in all my life. Usually all that is required of me is something along the lines of, "well alright." I'll be in the other room pouting.
That certainly worked on me.
Sorry to take the opposite view of almost everyone who has read this hub, but I was married to a 'he-man' for 16 years, and I will take a sensitive guy who smells good over him, any day.
lafenty: I don't know why everyone thinks that the opposite of being a metrosexual is smelling bad or being a slob. An extreme in either direction would be unpleasant.
Yeah, there is in between. There's a book in this subject. Men are having an identity crisis there's no doubt. 'The How To For Men Who Don't Know How To Be.'
I guess my emphasis was more on the sensitive part. Let me rephrase. A guy who gives a crap and doesn't care who knows it. I know I sound bitter, I'm not. I have a son who would probably consider himself to be a metrosexual and it will be a lucky girl who wins his heart someday. And if Johnny Depp, George Clooney and Brad Pitt are considered metrosexual, then Go Team!
Also, your hub is great, well written and entertaining.
I haven't had an identity crises since the last time I lost my wallet.
Lafenty: Well, Depp and Clooney are two of my favorite actors, and Pitt is OK (he was great in Snatch). Insensitivity is unattractive in anybody, and true metrosexuals can be insensitive to others as well, as they are more concerned with themselves.
"A guy who gives a crap and doesn't care who knows it." Did you mean "doesn't give a crap..." Anyway, you don't sound bitter. You had a bad experience and you're entitled to expect better.
Love this article. You are soooo funny. Are you Irish? Cause I am and I think we have a similar sense of humor. Dry and subtle, but with an obvious tang that just rolls off the tongue and wit naturally. Keep up the good work!
Mrs. Obvious: Thank you so much for the comment, and yes, gosh and begorrah, I AM Irish? Thank you for the kind words!
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pgrundy 3 years ago
Dude, it was totally weird taking this quiz as a woman. What's even weirder is I can't tell how I came out. I think I'm a heterosexual guy who likes shoes a LOT. Which makes me really confused, but that's OK. I'm used to that. Seriously, great hub, I can see you put tons of work into this, and it's funny. Have a great Labor Day!