The Pimple From Hell
83
The Scarlet Pimple
People become aware of the thing mostly by happenstance, casually, a brush of the hand perhaps, suddenly aware of a slight soreness. It's usually right where you don't want it—on the face—maybe right on the tip of your nose like a beacon or a bright red maraschino cherry. Next comes the blind investigation with the plodding fingers, confirming its location and testing its size, followed by visual confirmation, which in a man's case usually means going to the bathroom mirror and having a look. “What the hell are you doing here,” we say, “I'm too old for you.”
My discovery was slightly different. I didn't notice it with a touch of the hand but rather when I stood up from my easy chair. There was the familiar soreness that told me immediately that I had a pimple and that it was a doozy. The soreness was more than one would suspect and I knew I was in for a long haul, because the pimple was not on my face, but right smack dab on my ass. In the middle of my right butt cheek, to be exact.
Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall
The pimples on your face are attention seekers, longing to draw the stares of friends and strangers alike. They stand up for everyone to see and loudly declare, “Look at me. I'm a pimple.” But a pimple on your butt, oh, pimples on your butt are in hiding. They are secretive, subversive. Assassins in the dark. Guerrillas seeking to overthrow the government of you. I reached down to feel the thing lightly, just barely brushing it with my fingertips. It didn't seem so large, but darn, it sure was sore.
I proceeded to the bathroom mirror and, pulling my pants down to expose my bottom, twisted around only to discover that I couldn't see the blasted thing. I would need a hand mirror. I could take the hand mirror and hold it up to the pimple, angle the reflection into the big mirror, and then see the pimple and a section of my keister there, enlarged and magnified. The very same move that Archimedes discovered when he had a pimple on his butt. But I wasn't about to do that. Turns out, I am so homophobic that I won't even look at my own naked ass in a mirror, at least not in close-up Technicolor .
The Titanic Pustule
I felt it again, this time delicately pressing my fingers into the flesh surrounding the offending pustule. Oh my God. Before, all I had felt was the proverbial “tip of the iceberg.” That was nothing. No, this was a subterranean nightmare. Lurking underneath the surface, the giant mass was the size of a golf ball and just about as hard. I came to the shattering realization that this was only the beginning, that it was actually two pimples merged into one, grown together like Siamese twins. One body with two souls in a conspiratorial embrace of evil and malevolence. This sucker was going to be around for awhile, and it was going to get larger still.
The next several days were painful ones. There was no escaping it. Sit down and it was there. Stand up and it was there. I tried to keep my weight shifted to my left side when I moved, especially when sitting down or standing up, but I could never avoid it totally. Just the skin moving irritated it. I began walking like a cross between Charlie Chaplin and a duck. Sleeping proved especially difficult. I could get a little shut eye if I slept on my left side, but if rolled over onto my back the pain was excruciating, which would wake me up and I'd have to transfer my painful posterior back to the easy chair, carefully lowering myself left cheek first, awake for the duration.
A Circus Life For Me
Getting out of bed took special skill. I exit my bed on the right side, but the zit complicated the issue. Picture me, if you will, getting up into a one-cheek sitting position facing the opposite way, then spinning while remaining on my left bun, and kind of doing a cheek-hop to standing move without putting any weight on the right cheek or waking my butt guest. It was Cirque De Soleil quality contortion and acrobatics. I never got it just right, but I never stopped trying.
For days, it persisted, following me around, a private eye on a tail. Finally, mercifully, the thing blew. It blew like a dormant volcano blows, surprisingly, inexplicably furious and violent. All that pressure released, and along with it, the gunk. and the pain...mostly.
I slept that night like a baby. Like a baby without a pimple on his butt. I had sweet dreams of maraschino cherries, strawberries and shiny red apples, the pimple from hell nothing but a faraway phantasm on a bun.
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CommentsLoading...
LMAO!! Thank you so much for sharing!! Ok, well, I gotta scoot.. byebye now! *laughing down the hall*
The only thing funnier right now than this hub, is the fact that MY hub about being a kid in the early 60s is listed as the TOP hub RELATED to this hub?!!!! WTF???!!!
lmao. Try soakin in some epsom salt Chris, It will work.
dori
Not sure how I feel about being first to comment on this, Christoph! But it explains where you've been the last few days -- hiding out in embarrassment and pain:-).
I will tell you my cringe level intensified with every excruciating phrase. Who among us hasn't had this exact experience? It seems to me that adult pimples make up in agongy what they lack in frequency. I don't recall teen zits ever being so torturous.
I could share much more on the subject, but would prefer others lower the bar first! Good read, as always. MM
Oh...I forgot to add....my wife, Tammy squeezes my butt pimples...and I get a cup cake! Nannny,,nannny! :)
Tom: Doesn't everyone find butt pimple stories interesting? Thanks for the comment!
Candie V: Hey! Where ya going? I only had the one. (Calling after her) Pick me up some Clearasil specially formulated for the butt, would ya?!
KCC: Wasn't there an epidemic of butt acne on kids butts in the 60's? That would explain it. I wonder if my butt is on your kids? Hubs, I mean. Thanks for dropping by.
fortunerep: Hi dori! Then I'd have to sit on the thing on a hard surface. Ouch! I did swab it liberally with hydrogen pyroxide regularly, which also helps. Thanks!
MM: Well you weren't first, so there. I can't wait for the bar to be lowered so you can tell us the tale of your tail. I'm sure it's most facinating! Thanks for your astute comment, which you have a knack and kindness for!
Tom: Now THAT'S interesting!
Ralph: Ewwww. No, it wasn't a staff infection, but thanks for asking.
peroxide wont work, dab salt water on it, will dry it out/up, I am concerned for you Chris, this could be absolutely deadly if not taken care of soon, you certainly don't want it to spread, now do you? roflmao
dori
Dori: Well...this is from a month ago. It's gone. No infections, no spreading, no global butt pimple scare. All is hunky dori, dori! lol
Ok, I'm back with the Clearsil for butts and a sharp needed.. It's not like its contageous and everybody had em..except maybe Iph and BP, they are perfect in every way.. I loves ya friend! PS.. I was laughing *with* you not *at* you! I felt your pain all the way down the hall! I got cupcakes..Tammy C called me said it was Tom's way to handle it all!
At least somebody got cupcakes out of the deal!
Condolences. I'm glad it wasn't on your nose.
They both have their advantages and disadvantages. Thanks for the comment!
Dang. I really thought I was first to comment. I must be slowing down in my comment writing.
I'm confused now on the relation between pimples and cupcakes. And my twisted little brain goes to some very twisted places:-). Hostess products come to mind
For you in dispair.. anything!
TOM CORNETT--IS NOTHING SACRED?????????
Please excuse my husband....he just loves cupcakes sooooo much...hahaha
and I sigh a sigh of relief, thought we could of had a new pandemic or something, you just never know.. dori
Sorry this is the first I have seen of it, i swear
MM: You and me both, sister. WTF? I guess if you ate a lot of cupcakes, they could cause pimples.
Candie: Are the cupcakes spiked, so to speak?
TamCor: More cupcakes. It seems to me, you are the one who deserves a treat after being forced to pop pimples on Tom's rear end.
fortunerep: You may sleep unafraid. The Center for Disease and Control told me it was a good thing I put hydrogen pyroxide on it. If I had taken an epson salt bath it would have ate my butt (seems it likes things with a little salt on them.)
Now what are you talking about? Has the place gone mad?
Hilarious. I've been thinking lately, its not fair when one has to deal with pimples and wrinkles at the same time. Its just not right some how.
Tom - you stole my line! Yes Christoph, only you could can do that to a pimple - and with so much style and class permeating through all that hilarity! Oboy - what a wonderful dose of laughter to start the day with!
Shalini -- LOL. You're starting your day with this hub. I sat down to eat my dinner as I came across this hub. I considered putting it aside, at least until I finished my meal. But it's such a riveting read I had to stick with it! Glad I did, too, as the ending is so cathartic for Christoph!!!
Ouch...puberty is no fun the second time around either, huh?
Randy: You are right. It isn't fair. We should complain to somebody. But Randy, if you have wrinkles I am sure you wear them well! (Can't say the same for butt pimples though!)
Shalini: Are you sure you want to use the word "class" in association with this hub? lol. Thanks for tuning in!
MM: Definitely not dinner reading material. Hope it didn't ruin your appetite. And whoever told you I got a catheter in my end was fibbing!
Feline: No. And it was pretty godawful the first time around!
thank you for sharing...umm, glad your problem seem to have 'resolved' itself. xD thanks for the Lolz!!
haha Christoph - but I'm sure everyone will agree - whatever the subject, your hubs will never descend to being crass :D
V v funny Chrispopher, am glad that your bottom is all gay again now (oh sorry not the homo one, I wouldn't never consider teasing you on that one ever!)*a very solemn look*
I'd still consider you better off than me who has mosquito kisses all across her body. Imagine sweating to die to scratch in the middle of a conference, and just when it becomes unbrearable your finger goes to caress and screetch between the cheeks. I'm sure that's a curse! B/w I don't really know why the mosquitos bite only the most unusual of all places ... the cleavage is the worst of all I tell ya! *saunters off to the next conference*
OMG by the time I got to "The Circus Life for Me" I couldn't contain myself! Now I KNOW that it wasn't the size of a golf ball and that you are only exaggerating. That first photo is tremendously painful. I really am going to have a hard time looking at that one when it gets on the first page of hot hubs, just so you know. Fantastic. I am sooooo sorry. And I am soooo laughting at you, with you?, no, at you I think. Unless you're laughing too. In that case, probably both. At any rate, I'm pretty sure I could read this over and over and still achieve the same initial reaction. I am DEFINITELY passing this one along! Thanks for the entertainment and info.
Tweezers, dear god! tweezers! lmao!
LOL. Now next time it happens I'll put you over my knee and get out my long fingernails and voila. Problem solved in half the time.
Very funny - tried to imagine you twisting round to squeeze your own butt pimple - but decided that was a bit weird ! Anyway, I'm glad it blew at last ... when does a pimple become a boil ?
ROFLMAO thanks for not sharing a picture of your uh, pimpled behind. I am homophobic as well. Be thankful it wasn't on the er, you know.
Very funny Christoph. I developed a boil on my butt during a cycling holiday once. Not much much cycling got done but the pethidine they gave me in the hospital where I went to have it lanced was very nice. And that WAS the size of a golf ball. I didn't sit down for a week.
LMAO well I guess I won't feel so bad next time I get a pimple on my nose--I mean hey, at least it's not on my butt, right? ;)
hehehe. I didn't know that a pimple problem can be this funny. :)
Aidy: My lolz are your lolz!
Shalini: Well, thanks for that, but I'm sure there are some who would disagree (and too bad for them!) ha,ha!
naz: That does indeed sound like an uncomfortable situation. My experience would not be so much mosquito bites but poison ivy. I know what you mean about the scratching "around" it. Poison ivy does that too...it's a trick. It gets you to scratch nearby and slowly you move to the offending bite or rash and you're just scratching away before you realize what has happened. If you need help scratching, I'm available.
Frieda: Thanks for coming by. Tweezers, yes, but how am I to apply said tweezers to an area of my posterier I cannot even see? Hmmmm? We can't all have a wife like Tamcor who will pop them for you and then make you cupcakes. And you may laugh AT me. I am used to it. The children taunted me, "Pimple butt, pimple butt!" I can handle it. Thanks for saying hello, Freida.
Jewels: That would work, but now I have the issue of my profound shyness. Oh, what to do, what to do...
Iphie: What were you imagining there...exactly? To tell you the truth, Iphie, I think it was a boil and not a pimple, but thought pimple was better for the story - more common. Thanks for your comment.
ralwus: Ha,ha! No, not there! lol.
C.J: Aw, they never give us any good drugs here anymore. My wife and I had those at the same time once. We didn't go to a doctor, but I offered her a deal: "I'll lance yours if you lance mine." She wasn't interested though.
Janetta: Yeah, in retrospect, nose pimples don't seem so bad. At least there isn't pain everything you set down. Thanks!
Sheena: Hi! How's it going? You seen to be keeping busy. Thanks for saying hi!
It took me a while to get back down here.. yes the cupcakes are spiked, rum I believe. You, my friend, have caused quite the uproar over a very "heady" issue.. they laugh but their not saying it hasn't happened to them, don't ya know! Left ya a message on my garden robbery.. Hugs!
Thanks for checking in. Let them have their fun, for I curse them: May a thousand pimples from a thousand ancient butts plague their posteriors!
lol Chris! next time dab some toothpaste on it, it will dry that nasty sucker right up!
MellasViews: And then what, sit on toothpaste? Sounds kinky. You do it for me!
OOh, a minty-fresh pimple! You just don't see that little tidbit on their ads! LOL!!
Candie: There's nothing worse than a pimple that's not minty fresh!
This is your best hub ever! Loved the subject matter. Kudos
RKHenry: Thanks for the Kudos! I appreciate your comment!
A minty fresh pimple??? Geez, wish I'd known about that cure--would've saved me a LOT of cupcakes, hahaha...
Man can I relate to this one! Sometimes I really think I am a Toad when I get one and I don't understand how when they tend to be more frequent as I get older when I never had those during my teenage years in locations like that. But I have a nice rhino one on my forehead right now and you know how it doesn't really want to form, its like that, it justs wants to stay below the surface and kick it while everytime I frown, I can feel its anger.
Toothpaste?....minty? Pimplecakes!
Minty fresh pimples? This is absurd. Crud and minty fresh don't mix. What planet are y'all on?
cris, about 113 comments up i was talking about i had not seen this hub until now, I swear etc. i wasn't talking about your butt pimple,( Hence the: is this place gone mad) and if that pimple isn't gone by now, I have will no choice but to call the CDC,
dori
Ewww Chris! I laughed my way through most of this, with that kind of fascination reserved for train wrecks, where one doens't want to look but can't help oneself! Ewwwww! Glad it's over!
Ouch CR. Graphic and hilarious. I wanted to stop reading because of the gross factor but couldn't because of the funny factor. Now I am just confused but relieved at the same time that I don't currently have one on the butt ;)
Tamcor: Or after cupcakes, you already have the toothpaste right there!
goldentoad: That's what I'm talkin' bout!
Tom cornett: I'm gonna have to pass on this one.
Jewels: I'm not sure when I lost transmission back to earth. I don't even know what's going on here anymore.
fortunerep: Now I'm really lost. Huh?
Elena: Thanks for the comment! If it wasn't a train wreck before it is now! lol.
Aya: Are you sure you don't have one?
LOL! :))
"Pimplecakes" LOLOLOL Tommy has a new nickname!
sleeptalker: Glad I made you lawl and appreciate your succinct comment. Thanks for reading!
Candie V: Farther and farther into the depths of confusion I spin.....who the heck is Timmy?
I just don't get it, I am a grown adult and I still get acne myself. Not on my face but other places. Funny hub!
Ashley Joy: You don't mention what "places" that could be...so we'll all just have to imagine. I know though, just when you think you are done with something, here it comes again. They're pretty rare for me, but still a pain in the a**, literally this time! lol.
Hi Christoph,
Well, I can honestly say I have never had the painful experience of a pimple on my butt. However, at my age (bm, beyond menopause), I still get an occasional one usually on my upper lip right next to my nose. Ridiculous, if you ask me! I can thank someone above that at least mine is never the size of a golf ball. I think on the face, that would be rather disconcerting LOL.
I'm glad it came out ok. This explains why you haven't sat down to write in a while. Maybe you could expand on this topic and explain, step by step, the gyrations and maneuvers you had to endure to get anything done. Could even include a home-made video :)
Your choice of topics never cease to amuse me, so thanks for that :)
Trish: Be thankful you've never had one like this on your butt. Ouch! I don't choose my topics...they choose me (not really...that just sounds like such a doofy thing to say!)
Thanks for coming by and sharing your thoughts on pimples, menopause, and gyrations. Have a good day!
I read this right after you published it. And I sat in front of the screen for a long time, totally, totally speechless, LMAO. Which I still am, mostly, except to say that this is funny as hell, and that it takes a talented and brave writer to turn such agony into comedy. I agree with Trish, though: how about a video or instructions about that gyrating? Never know who might need the help. It would be a public service!
Oh! I'm thankful alright :)
Seriously, a how-to video on coping with a pimple on the ass LOL. You could put the Beach Boys 'Good Vibrations' music to it :) Oh! and if you do it, make sure to wear your hat while you're gyrating LOL.
Sally: Thanks for reading. Glad you thought it was funny too.
Trish: Thanks again.
Both of you instigators: You know, I don't have a video camera, so I think one of you should make the hysterical video about a pimple on your butt. Go ahead! It'll be fun! How bout you, Trish? I've often thought you would make a great actress. And Sally, you would manage to bring a certain class to the project that no one could duplicate. How about it?
Chris: LOL! You could have called and I would have been right over, with the hot compresses and my infamous bedside manner (which is actually non-existent since I have the compassion of a sociopath when it comes to men with butt-pimples).
Still...I would have come anyway just to document it....for posterity. :)
Chris, I think you nailed me, but Trish will have to speak for herself. I agree with her about the cowboy hat, but according to your suggestion, maybe she would be the one wearing it? (I'm gonna catch hell for this one...LOL)
Spryte: Ha,ha! Like I would trust you with my posterior! No telling what you'd get to back there! Scares me just to think about it. And I bet your compress would actually be soaked with chloroform. Then I'd really be in trouble!
Sally. Yes, I can see me now. It would look like a guy trying to ride a bronco with a tack in his butt...not an easy task!
Ok you guys. Let me see if I have this pictured correctly. Me, taking Christoph's place (an actress? I hardly think so), and, wearing the infamous hat? No, no, does not compute. Here's how I picture it. Christoph, in his altogether and the hat, Sally directing, and me behind the camera. However, for a small fee, I could be tempted to wear the hat, but that would mean one of you would have to get behind the camera. We can't forget the props, well, we'd really only need a chair so the contortions and gyrations could be captured for all posterity. And Christoph, since you are so experienced in the moves necessary to sit, you could be my coach LOL
Oh, and by the way, I just spent the last 30 minutes searching for an appropriate video, but all I found was popping zits. So you see, Christoph? You must make this video :)
Whaddya think?
Hi Cr screamingly funny take on a painful event. BTW were you ever a porn star? The reason I ask is because in every porn movie i ever saw, the doee or the doer had a clearly visible zit (or boil )on their respective butt cheek! My selection is admittedly small and only from channel flicking on late night cable, so it may not be a representative sample LOL
Trish: When did this turn into being "in the altogether?" My, my, but you keep adding these details that weren't disclosed to me before. I suppose you were going to have me sign the contract and then point out the fine print, which would state I would have to perform naked. I change my mind. You are not an actress. You, Trish, are a Producer!
Sixty: Oh my gosh! I thought all those old films were lost. You caught me. I use to perform under the name Richard Plunger. Thanks for stopping by!
LOL LOL. Well, how else could you avoid constant chafing of your butt? I figured if you were in your altogether, it would be one less complication :)
So, a producer, hmm? Just think! I'll produce the video and we'll all be famous! You'll be out there on YouTube for all the world to see LOL. Nah, I wouldn't do that to you, you're much too sweet and shy :)
And gee, all this flattery will make this gal get a big head!
You never cease to amaze me with your ideas for hubs Christoph, and as always they are sheer genius and full of humour, (this being no exception). I found myself both giggling and cringing all the way through reading it, but it was impossible to stop. It reminded me a little of a true story my Husband told me about a friend of his who was enjoying a night of intimacy with a lady he had just met. At one point during their 'liason', the chap said he was sucking on a certain part of the ladies anatomy (I'll give you a clue, it was the top half), when a juicy fluid filled his mouth. Thinking it was some kind of fluid women can produce when excited he rather enjoyed the experience. That is, until the next morning when he awoke to see her returning naked from the bathroom with a huge burst boil on one breast!!!!!! I was chucking up for days after he told me this story.
i had a similar experience but this one was not on my butt but it was on the back of my thigh.. it really hurts like hell..
Trish: See? You're already thinking and acting like a producer!
Misty: OMG! That's disgusting! I think I'm going to spew. Lordy. Thanks for building me up with your sweet words, and then sending me crashing to my knees in front of the porcelain god. Ewwwwwwww!
Maverick Monk: Hurts, don't it. Thank you for your comment!
LOL, Glad you liked the anecdote Christoph :)
I need some Pepto!
I am? Really? Ok then. Here's the scenario. Standing on one leg, as you slowly lower yourself down to the seat, Sally will hold your other leg out while you get closer to the seat, and as you lean to one side, I'll place a pillow on the seat for your sore butt cheek. Good. Ok, then we'll,,uhoh. I will have to send you a script since I don't want to get too graphic on here :)
See what you've created? :)
Trish: Set it up and I'll be there! I'm gonna be a star!
Misty: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
spryte: That's what I said, only less emphatically.
No, I'm with Spryte. Took me awhile to get up the nerve to read this.
Misty there are just some things you shouldn't share....LOL OMG...that is disgusting!
Glad to see my TOTALLY unrelated hub is still listed to the right as a related hub! LOL
Laughing Mom: You are mistaken. Spryte is not referring to my hub (though now I know how YOU feel about it) but rather Misty's comment above. Thanks for coming by and feeling Ewwwww about it! Lol.
KCC: Yes, and I am not listed on yours and I'm fuming about it!
I put a link to yours on my hub Christoph....that's the best I could do to help.
OH CRAP! Now I'm REALLY saying Ewwwwwww..........
So glad you got to the bottom of things Christoph - i don't know how you do it but "You caught me. I use to perform under the name Richard Plunger" is totally priceless -still laughing and of course crying for your pain!!!
I think if you have a two headed pimple it is neither a pimple nor a boil but a carbuncle...did you take anti biotic - nasty painful things that they are...fyi (and maybe you don't really wish to read this) from wikipaedia "A carbuncle is an abscess larger than a boil, usually with one or more openings draining pus onto the skin." cheers
and for misty - YUCK YUCK YUCK - poor chap....vile!! I only hope she felt better though....
Oh, sheesh--I just came back to catch up on comments here...and just HAD to find misty's story, lol...pass the pepto, please, christoph??? Double ewwww....
I'm gonna have nightmares tonight, I just know it......:D
"I only hope she felt better though..."--hahahahaha, good one ajcor!!
KCC: That's sweet, but you go take that off right now. I meant no such thing and it makes no sense. I only meant in the box like yours is. Thanks though.
Laughing Mom: See? You thought it was gross before!
AJcor: You got it! Requires a little thought. Actually, there were no heads. It was just a boil, plain and simple. It seemed like a pimple at first. I didn't want to make the story too complicated. So glad you came by and shared your knowledge with all of us!
Tamcor: I'd give you some of my Pepto but I'm gonna need the whole bottle! I think I'll make a good old fashioned bicarbonate of soda too!
Irony rears its ugly head. For once I actually regret the fact that you write well. Bleh.
thought you would appreciate it! just trying to help....lol
Shadesbreath: I'll try not to let it happen again.
ajcor: You've been a big help!
LOL, I think I may have caused the entire membership of Hubpages to carefully scrutinise the bottom of their toilet bowls. Blame Christoph, he started it!!!! :) :) :)
Very creative hub and I liked the use of the word doozy. i find that when shave with a dull blad i get pimples. best to just spend the money to use a new gilette blade every few weeks. both of my parents are well into their 60s and they still get zits. so, they'll be around for a long time to come! cheers, dawei888
Misty: They are wretching as we speak.
dawei: Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for encouraging us by informing us of our pending pimples. Nothing like a pimple to make you feel young. Thanks!
Loved the story, didn't read all the comments but for some stupid reason I read Misty's comment and I'm joining the eewwww club too. That's just nasty!!!
I can sympathize with you CR, I've had one too and obviously it was very painful because the memory of it is still imprinted on my mind like it happened yesterday. Glad you got healed up and your backside is all minty fresh or whatever now. I am slightly confused about dawei888's comment. I am wondering why he assumes that you got a boil on your butt from shaving. I am going to just imagine that you guys must have known each other from your porn days that was witnessed by Sixtyorso, that way I will only have one nightmare tonight and not two. (thanks Cindy)
Gwendymom: ha,ha! I didn't get that from Dawei's comment. I thought he was just saying he gets pimple's too, and his he gets from using a dull razor blades (which causes ingrown hairs and thusly, pimples). Do you think he wants to shave my butt? My butt is not in need of shaving and never was. I have the bottom of a baby! Lol!
CR, I don't know if you should ask him, he might and then what would you do? Too risky if you ask me, I would just nair it or something. Yeah, he might have been saying that, as for the smooth as a babys bottom, I don't know but I'll ask sixty. I'm sure he'll tell me.
LOL, I love how you can write just about anything and add some suprising sparks to it! I sure wouldn't hub about my pimples from hell. Yours must of been that much painful from just sitting alone?! Tell us about your next adventure with another one.
HaHaaHaHaaHaHaa! Here I am trying to watch a serious movie with my daughter and I keep laughing. I have no idea why, just that I couldn't stop! I really, rofl, really, rofl, felt sorry for you missing so much sleep...but, I swear, I will never see the Cirque De Soleil without thinking of this hub!
May! You would wish on me another pimple from hell just for your entertainment? Well...that's a fine how do you do! Thank you for your kind words about my hubbing though. I appreciate it and your visit! Thanks!
K@ri: Please do think of me when you see the circus freaks. You'll know which one is me by their avoidance of their right butt cheek! Thanks for the comment!
Can I squeeze it for you? It will only take a few secs ROFL.xo
How the hell did you get an image for this Hub? The sumo guy image was little more funnier than the hub. How did you even find that image? LOL still....
Great Funny Hub!
Well Dickie boy you really started something and as fo Misty. Yetch retch and blech! Some things should just not be shared. Sex can never be purely tactile again! Keep your eyses peeled!
Blondepoet: You may squeeze me!
Bundleboy: I don't know how I found it. Nothing special. Thanks for coming by and your comment!
Sixty: Who is Dickie? As for that which shall not be mentioned, (shiver) uhhhhhh (crawling skin.)
LOL at BP Hmmm, what will you think of next?!
mayhmong: Yes. She can say anything and it comes out lovely!
Hey Chris
LOL this was a fun read and to think it's about a pimple - of all things! Took me back to my teenage years when I was the poster boy of hell on earth. Either that or I was the moon! :D
Cabin Girl: Thanks by and your comment.
Cris A: Thanks for visiting, Cris! Oh, the teenage years can be cruel.
Ow......sounds more like a boil!
cindyvine: Yea, it was. We've been all through that up there somewhere. I just didn't want to complicate the story you know? In retrospect, it was a mistake but too late now. Lol.
Lol, well, you must have a hairy bum as it would have been caused by an ingrown hair gone wrong!
No, I don't have a hairy bum - not at all. As smooth as a baby's bottom.
We seek him here, we seek him there....isn't that how the Scarlet pimpernel thing goes? We seek him here, we seek him there, we seek him on Chris's bum with no hair!
Yes! That's how it goes. Ha,ha! My bum, immortalized in a poem. Thank you!
This is the best hub I've read... probably ever!
Very funny and very honest:-D
ThePoneer21: Well, gosh, thanks for that. Glad you enjoyed it and I thank you for stopping by!
I will confess the only place I get pimples is on me arse. They are more painful than on one's face, perhaps since we don't sit on our faces. They can take a concerted effort to pop, but if one is determined, the job can be accomplished. Unfortunately, the cure is oft times worse than the original affliction. Thank you for bringing into the light of day what many suffer with in silence.
James: Hear, hear! Arse Pimple Sufferers of the world unite! This is a serious condition and it's high time it saw the light of day. This is not the end, no butts about it! We must spread the word, even if it's done in a cheeky manner! Thanks for your comment!
Seriously, they DO hurt like hell!
This is such a well written story! I would normally not even consider reading a story about a butt pimple, but you made it so humorous and almost not gross at all. Still, a little gross, considering it is an ass zit we are talking about. But overall I was so impressed with your style of writing! Thanks for the laugh!
Jill: Why thank you, Jill Fontain. What a very nice thing to say. Yes, it's an ugly fact of life, and I'm glad you took the risk of checking it out, and thrilled you liked it! Thank you so much. I'll be over to read your stuff soon!
Never thought that a butt pimple would caught my interest. I had a worst experience of a butt pimple way back in college. 'Twas a damn thing and it killed my aura that time. I took weeks before it was gone....Grrrr!
Kennethdalen: I'm glad you checked it out. Yes, they are evil things. They hurt like the dickens and take forever to go away. They can really upset the balance of things. Thanks for your comment!
I had a pimple on my genitals. It was a weird pimple, though, because it scabbed after a few days. Then it went away. It comes back about every 4 months.
Bo: What you got there is one of them STP's - Sexually Transmitted Pimple. There's nothin' you can do about 'em. Best you can do, is get you some of that there Herpomine. Supposed to make it heal faster but I can't tell yet.
I loved this hub! It was absolutely the epitomy of tasteless! Wonderful! Hilarious...I give it 4 stars.
donotfear: Thank you! If you like tasteless, you've come to the right place!
Hi Christoph! Great to see your name on Hubtivity - just dropped in to tell you :)
Thanks Shalini. I miss everyone. Some serious happenings,but I should be around more shortly!
OMG! The Cirus Life thing..I'm still laughing. God, what a load of comments, too, I'm not surprised, this one's a classic. I'm now your fan!
Paradise7: Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback.
Missing you Christoph, and all the gang. I checked in on you tonight and you haven't published a hub in ages, so I had to find you again by commenting on your most recent activity, i.e. this hub. Hope you will be around more soon :)
Thanks Misty. I'll be around more very soon.
Chris
Good news then :)
OMG, I am not sure what is more funny, yhe original hub, or the bloody comments section. Thia hub, & the comments have brightened up my day no end. I totyally agree that adult zits are so much worse than the teenage zit. Face zits are not good at all, & butt zits are even worse. Worse than all of those is the zit on the frontal private zones. I am not putting peroxide any where near that one !
Paul, Thanks for the comment. Glad you enjoyed it. I agree with you too: No peroxide near Mr. Willie.
Christoph, I have missed you!!!! Take notice of your chat box on Facebook. I have been trying to get your attention and It's not working. I'm heartbroken!!!!
Gwen: Nice to see you, my dear. I've been through the ringer. I'll write you.
Oh my world, this was goddamn hilarious! I get em there sometimes too, and yep the eruption hurts like hell... and then all the pain is gone once the sucker is drained. I heard a rumor that conditioner or shampoo causes it. Like when you shower and don't get off all the suds. Its what I heard though... I never thought something that was supposed to clean you... could actually harm you. : )
Is that what it is? I'll have to quit shampooing my butt!
Cristoph, after reading about your ginormous ass pimple, I feel you and I are kindred spirits. Nothing excites me more than crossing that line...you know the one. Whether it's pimples, pooping, pubic hair, or pap smears, we can all relate, even if these topics are taboo.
So, I wanted you to know that you've inspired me to write what I really think about. No more nice Cheeky Chick...from now on, it's Cheeky Chick UNLEASHED! Thanks for opening up the flood gates!
And, by the way...cupcakes or no cupcakes, I LOVE to pop a good pimple! It's a triumphant experience. Give me a good white head to pop, and I'm a happy girl!
Love ya!
Cheeky
Cheeky: I'm right with you. I know it's not good to squeeze them, but how can one help it? Thanks for the comment!
CR - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle would be proud of you - "The Scarlet Pimple" (May the saints preserve us !)
:-)))
Ah, Gus, my secret is exposed. Totally stolen from Sir Arthur. I think I eat too much pimpernickel bread!
I'll never eat such bread ever now, as 'pusy' bread springs to mind, not appetising, and rules out "cheese on toast" for months to come!!!
Thanks for the nightmares, off to bed now :(
I shall not ever be able to have a pimple anywhere again without thinking of this story. Hilarious. :)
Springboard: Thanks for the comment. May you be pimple free!
What can I say? It is not by accident that you are one of my favourite writers. And not only on hub pages :-)
De Greek: Thanks, sir. You're pretty good yourself. Thanks!
Christoph,
This hub is so famous, your butt pimple has actually been mentioned in the comments of other hubs. I was really confused and a little offended for you when I read about it elsewhere, but now it makes perfect sense.
Very funny! I love the part about the mirror where you finally decide you don't want to see it, and then you find out it's Siamese twin pimples, and right there is a picture of two women with plastic butts! I just could not stop laughing!
I also have to point out how awesome the adds on your hubs are. With your off topics (like the one about a lesbian trapped in a man's body) the adds are almost too much. Hey, there you go again, having such awesome hubs that people talk about them in comments for different hubs. I am a language arts teacher stuck in a math teacher's body! Thank you for liberating me!
~AC
AC: People talk about this on other hubs? I must put famous detective "Doghouse" Reilly on the case! Thanks for your lovely comment. I am a Lesbian trapped in a man's body you know. And you have learned you are trapped in a math teachers body. (What do math teacher look like. I'm trying to remember if I had any hot ones. I wasn't good in math though, so not a lot of classes to choose from.) Thanks again!
I'm not sure where I saw the post, but I definitely remember reading it somewhere. (Yes I know that's not helpful, but great detectives can solve the case even if the witness is useless!;) Speaking of detective, how is your detective novel coming along? I want to read it! Gimme gimme gimme!!!!
~AC
A.C: Ha! My novel, what there is of it, is hardly suitable for others to read in it's current rough draft stage, however, I have shared a couple of scenes with writer's groups. Maybe I'll send them to you.
Yes, I can solve the case of "People talking about me behind my back." I used to actually be a P.I. for awhile. It was both the most boring job in the world and at times, the most exciting, even dangerous. I became burned out after two years and the company switched me to local investigations and interviews. I got to investigate some murders in this fashion, which was exciting.
Maybe? Oh please please please do! If you can share them with those other people, then me too!
It's fun to think of you as a PI. I bet it was exciting and scary and then there was probably so much downtime. Did you ever feel bad waiting for someone to do something naughty so that you'd have something to do?
I'll think about it and see if I can dig it up. Understand that it's a rough draft.
Ummm, yes but not for the reasons you think. When I see TV shows of someone doing surveillance or tailing someone, it is downright laughable. You can't be that close at all. If you were that close you would be "made" in a matter of minutes. You must park far down the street, hopefully facing the other direction and watching your rear view. The first thing you must do when setting up is notify the police where and who you are and what you are doing. Because people will call the police for sure. Still, some places the police policy is to always send a unit to a scene when someone calls, even when they know who you are. This attracts a lot of attention to you. When tailing, you must keep one or two cars between you and the one you are following. This puts you in the unfortunate position of having to run many red lights. I was threatened many times, and once was trapped in by a whole neighborhood with people and vehicles who all came from nowhere simultaneously. In short, I was falsely imprisoned. They wouldn't let me go. When the police arrived, I explained who I was and showed my credentials, but never told who I was investigating. The police always sided with me. Those incidents were what I feared. I felt good about what I did. (I didn't do cheating spouses) I worked on insurance fraud, which you and I pay for. I always looked at it as proving people were innocent-in which case the investigation of them was stopped- as much as catching the crooks...and I caught plenty.
ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL!!!!!! You poor guy! Unfortunately I couldn't help but laugh :)
Easy for you, Morgan F, to laugh at my pain. Thanks for coming by and your cruel comment! I must remember to laugh at you next time you hurt yourself.
Gross and funny. (Grunny?)
Manna in the wild: Grunny? I like it!
Dude, this was hystrical. And for the record - I'm nominating 'pustule' for the grossest word in the English language. Hope things are all good down below....
Hey, Stan. Yeah, pustule. It's a good word. I try to work in into conversations whenever I get the chance. Things are fine down below--at least in terms of two-headed pimples.
Toothpaste also one of the best choose to heal pmples
yeah I heard that toothpaste works for pimples as well
Tom Cornett Level 3 Commenter 2 years ago
LOL....You are off!...Only you could make a butt pimple story interesting....Oh my God...I found it interesting!